I'm so bummed I missed coconut bowling. It's fucking cold here and no coconuts to be found
Oh my god you would drunk register for a marathon.
im sure we could have fun without alcohol but i just dont wanna chance it...
operation have a gay friend backfired
she keeps a pillow, blanket, and a pack of saltines under the bathroom sink, for "rough nights".
It Amazes me that I was able to drunk update my status in Spanish last night.
I tackled a mailbox like a linebacker. He almost broke his hip and his friend lit a bottle rocket off inside of the car. Yes it was a successful night.
Text me back. Urgent. It is a porta Keep the portal alive.
Is this the acid talking?
I watched you fall asleep, sitting up, eating a cinnamon roll. You proceeded to wake up...smile at your cinnamon roll, ask it how it got into your hand and then began eating it again. You asked me if you were ridiculous last night, define ridiculous.
We had sex in his hot tub. Then we saved a mouse that almost drown in his pool. We celebrated our heroism with more sex.
you weren't there so I had to flirt with him on your behalf
THAT BEAUTIFUL FACE AND HEAVENLY LIGHTING IS NOT HELPING THE NOT DEAD POINT HOW DO I NOT KNOW YOU ARE NOT TEXTING ME FROM THE AFTERLIFE
The after life smells like latex gloves and hand soap
I was actually kind of excited. I mean, how many people can say they've been question by the CIA?
I've seen your dick too many times for both of us to be straight.
It actually wasn't the first time that a guy I just met ate me out in the back seat of his car in a starbucks parking lot in the middle of the day.
Randomize