i just realized i dont have a sober facebook picture since 2007
Why do I have peacock feathers super glued to my body?
I just got a mental picture of us having sex in a trash can.
Dude, I think someone on your skype account may have seen me beat off. I used your computer and didnt realize you were still signed in. Please tell me no one was on...
I will forever be haunted by the image of you hurrying to finish your Jimmy Johns sandwich in the Taco Bell drive thru so you could proceed to order $17 dollars worth of shitty Mexican food.
I think I just ate eggs off of a plate covered in cocaine.
At one point I was waiting in line for the port o potties and a storm trooper came out of one and sprayed me in the face with a water gun
Like that actually happened I wasn't hallucinating
Florida has a way of just fucking with a person's soul and jizzing all over their hopes and dreams. Like existential bukkake.
whatever the appropriate amount of shots is to consider drunken acrobatics a good idea was a few less than I actually had
all i remember was her shitting herself and asking me to call her parents.....i so didn't. when i woke up she was gone and left a note saying "we will be lovers forever"
I own a halfway home for drunk girls, this is my life
Yeah you were fine except for when you peed under the bar
I kinda forgave him after he laid next to me and rubbed my arm for four hours while I tripped balls.
We ended up shitfaced at the house after the Super Bowl trying to get someone from Scientology on the phone.
I'm eating dinner with his parents and my phone goes "MOVE BITCH GET OUT THE WAY!" Thanks.
Randomize
