Have you come up with a team name for the beer pong tournament on Saturday?
We can be the stepdads. If anyone asks why say because we beat you and you hate us.
I have no idea what i drank..i remember dancing and ass grabbing..u falling. Headbutts. Trying not to puke. And deja vu.
I also tried to drunkenly adopt a kitten last night. It didn't pan out.
I think I'm interested in anyone that recognizes I actually have a pulse
well his nickname is liver of steel so it makes sense that his balls follow suit. tell him i say sorry
first one here with a pint of chicken lo mein, aspirin, and diet green tea ginger ale, gets a full effort bj the day after tomorrow.
Hardcore start to spring break. Mike is wearing adult diapers because the only stop we are making is for gas.
Omg I'm puking right now and then sneezed four times in a row. You don't know pain til this happens to you.
He is sitting on the foor in the soup aisle saying "to each their own soup"
I just hooked up with the same bartender my dad cheated on my mom with in the 90s. Not sure how this makes me feel.
family traditions my good sir
Doing a small happy dance cause my cocaine successfully went through airport security
My boss is paying me to come clean his house in a maid outfit and told me not to tell anyone....this is shady as fuck but I need the money
Is it still sex if there's no nudity, no orgasms, but the neighbors bang on the wall and ask you to stop? I've honestly forgotten.
i hooked up with all four beatles on halloween get on my level
Just got an x-ray done of my hip and you can clearly see the outline of my penis in it. When the doctor saw it she said "wow I haven't seen one that big on an x-ray before." Pretty sure the doc and the nurses are going to be talking about me on their lunch break.
Randomize
