it seems that i get a boner from just about everything now
I think god was stupid personally. The clit should be inside the vagina. Idiot.
turns out I still hate jay leno...even at 10pm.
Googled "can you put dry ice in your drink?" I'm safee
I am going to get arrested. I am yelling fuck repeatedly, wearing a Bird jersey and polka dot pants while pounding wine. Amazing mug shot to follow.
I don't think we should have started that trash fire
i jsut feel off the bus, but its ok the driver let me back on. a woman hid her baby from me..
He gets a blow job and all I get is a huge scar on my arm ... how is this fair?
I threw up on my way to work while listening to "the good times are killing me". this award goes to modest mouse for creating the most poetic puke ever
My family will be here in an hour and I'm deciding between doing my makeup or saying fuck it and wearing what's left of last night's...
I'm sorry I pissed in your bedroom and then woke you up when I tried to jump off the balcony
Help I can't tell if I'm sexually attracted to Bill Nye
Oh.
You came to the right person.
I wish drug dealers had sales for the holidays
Well, I ruined his toilet and he's still completely okay with me. Plus, it took him like a week to tell me.
If a girl I didn't love ruined my toilet I don't think I'd stick around.
Now all my porn is stored in my parents’ basement. It’s like a part of my soul is boxed up
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