cruising supermarkets, asking random people where i can get weed. fuck alaska
accomplished twins. life is a go
Just woke up in bed, AC on high, with a fresh pack of smokes, an unopened pint of vodka, and a bag w a beef patty w cheese in it. I think my roommate's like the toothfairy or something. Or that was way more Xanax than I needed.
I was giving him a blow job in the kitchen, but it was uncomfortable. so i took the oven mitts and used them as knee pads.
Don't tell me i'm not fucking resourceful.
I was hidding Easter eggs in CHURCH this morning when one of the older men came up to me and said "I always knew you'd be a bunny just not the Easter kind" ... Our congregation obviously has high hopes for their pastor's daighter
she was sobbing drunk in the backseat about her dead cat and how the guy in the front seat didn't want to hook up with her
These fall allergies are really hindering my cocaine habit.
Haha that's why you never name the penis. Its like a pet, once named you will most likely get attached.
I totally just friend requested the girl I met in jail last night so that I could give her back the sunglasses she lent me upon our release. See, I'm not a total delinquent.
Still borderline I believe. As bad as this sounds, I feel God owes me one here and should not let his grandmother die till after my birthday
Aside from the slim chance of pregnancy, I'm gonna call last night a raging success.
Wait, just ask him if can you can join in. You haven't lived until you've taken part in a threesome with your father...or so I've heard
Jenna, I'm going to use all my homosexual powers to steal him from you
Austin, I will climb on top of your shoulders and slowly suffocate you with my vagina
Burritos, beer, and hot tub sex. Merry Christmas to me.
I don't know where I'm at. But I'm pretty sure what I'm looking at is a small bear.
Randomize