Turns out drinking large amounts of Gentleman Jack does NOT turn you into a Gentleman -- quite the opposite actually.
My Mom bought me a vibrating toothbrush. Maybe this is her way of apologizing for throwing away my other thing that vibrated.
He told me he wouldn't do any drunk sluts but me. I guess that's sort of a compliment...?
A letter to the campus apologizing for being sucha cunt with a picture of her head on it. All posted around campus.
THERE ARE SO MANY GREAT DICKS IN THE WORLD. HOW DID I NOT DISCOVER THIS SOONER!?
hey. so did i get tied up by a jumprope last night?
Right now he's sitting in the chair pointing to me to go away. He's trying to have quiet time with his penis.
Will that be creepy to wake him up at midnight with my tongue all over his body??
He was feeling me up but acting like he was asleep. Like WTF does that mean??
There were containers of weed in the piñata. How much more Colorado does it get
I'm sorry I lead life with my vagina.
THERES A BEAVER CHASING ME, ANGRY BEAVERS IS FUCKING REAL DUDE
I'm pretty sure I regained my virginity last night
Hey every now and then can you tell me you want to fuck me to boost my confidence? Thanks.
He's a wizard, there is no other explanation for how hard I came last night. None.
Randomize
