Im interpreting your silence as a silent plea for me to come wake you up. See you soon.
It's kind of sad that your greatest accomplishment today is that you stood up and didn't fall down.
I dont feel as bad coming home this baked because I gave my 14 year old sister a no drugs talk last night.
I just couldn't load the family groceries on to the same seat where I had sex 12 hours ago.
I told him we couldn't hang out because I had strep, he said he's had it once so he couldn't get it again. The sex isn't worth this level of stupidity
Somehow ed fucked carrie while purposely not saying a single word to her all night. He just nodded and smiled.
Would it have been easier if he talked to her?
Yeah, but i bet him he couldn't do it. Now he gets a free taco bell combo of his choosing.
Well two things you gotta know if you're gonna live here. your alcohol tolerance is gonna need to go up, and people do blow. Get used to it. Nobody is gonna pressure you into it. That shits expensive
where are you?
talk to ya later, gotta sled down these stairs real quick
Who takes their shirt off at the bar?! Classy broad
I do. In all fairness there was someone else's blood on it.
Are you coming to the bday night? i'll be doing a life-like reenactment of traveling through Bonnie's vaginal canal and taking my first breath of life. Don't think you'll want to miss it.
I can bring a slip n slide and curtains.
Something tells me your "Titties for Tracy Morgan" fundraiser won't pan out.
He could only go twice. I need a guy with more stamina and is less married
This strange Italian man told me he wants to take me for ice cream and kept calling me "tomato" from tinder
You declared that afternoon sex will be referred to as "wet naps" from now on
1) Woke up alone with my bathing suit on inside out spooning an empty bottle of Jack, 2) get the fuck on to my level 3) please pick me up and bring a stuffed pony, some Oreo's and my pride...
Randomize
