found a strand of your hair in my car. it's 1 ft 7 inches long
wtf you measured my hair?
I just woke up. In the port-o-potty next to our tailgate. an hour after the game started. explain.
you know you were refereeing rock paper scissors for who got to make out with your sister right?
If i apologize for punching you in the liver repeatedly will you explain where the grass stains on my shoulders came from?
We found you passed out clutching your purse. There was 16oz of unopened cheddar cheese inside. You just kept saying SALSA YES.
oh no, don't get me wrong.. she IS really pretty. If you are in to horses or Sarah Jessica Parker.
I'm glad we're going to catch up. too bad it's over my vagina.
Boats looked like robot pelicans and time was slow and now im on wipe out
direct quote from andrew "you know i can't hear when i drink whiskey"
She has that type of face she reminds me of that weird girl from napoleon dynamite only taller and with hoop earrings.
This is the perfect outfit to do ketamine in, I must say
His idea of a night out is drinking beer in the driveway. He's been on house arrest too long
And how about the fact that the first time i really truly looked at a guy's dick was in my car. MY CAR. GODDAMNIT!!!
I told you I couldn't sleep because of the speed and you rolled over and replied "shh. just pretend."
He was talking about his friends deceased ferret and I still managed to orgasm.
Now THAT is dedication!
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