We have a vodka soaked ShamWow with your name on it.
When health care reform is passed, I'm throwing a kegger
You are the reason we need health care reform
Am i fat?
Well i wouldnt let you on top
my goal is to not remember how i make a living by 9pm saturday night
theres a wall by my room thats like, a prime fucking wall. before i move out SOMEBODY is gonna fuck me on that wall, goddamnit.
tried doing a cartwheel after 10 beers. Guess who has a dislocated shoulder.
5am update: in a toga seeing triple made out with both sexes
The only thing he had going for him was mad fingering skills. the ONLY thing. crayons have a wider circumference.
Dude just the look on his face when she sat down next to him, threw one leg over his, and just said "so..." was fucking amazing
I have no idea what those words in that order meant, but if you go to Florida send me pics of strippers
I really feel like I should slow down on the getting hammered. I told a bartender on "Taco Tuesday" that a $3 margarita was too expensive. And proceeded to have a $70 tab.
Dude like i feel like i did ALL OF THE DRUGS yesterday
I threw my back out having sex last night. I don’t know whether to high five myself for a job well done or cry because I’m old.
My mother just set me up with the son of the man I fucked last weekend. I could crawl under a rock and die OR I could remember the rules of genetics and hope that JR takes after daddy. Wish me luck...
What are you bringing to class tomorrow?
sorrow
Randomize
