Let's get naked and see who's stronger.
You had a beer at 10:30 this morning?
Ya, I didn't have any Tylenol.
I love seeing you outside of a bar. It's like seeing a dog walk on its hind legs
he kept asking me if i had been in a pool or a lake recently, i didnt want to say i know where the swimmers ear came from. shower sex.
The sound guy for the band told me id make a great valentines gift for his bisexual girlfriend
I mean how do you tell a nurse in the ER that you dislocated your knee giving a blowjob to your boyfriend.
Very innocently.
She makes walking on a treadmill look like a porno. I wish I could send over shots as an ice breaker.
That's effing brilliant. We should start a business.
I believe I won the Golden Vodka Bottle of sadness last night for crying while being party boyed.
I have a broken liver
I see that the whole "let's take a break from drinking" has worked out really well for us.
Hey ER girl, its the EMT you beat at blowjobs shots last night.
That is the scariest sentence I have ever read.
Apparently I'm ahead in the foot race to his dick because I'm not insane. If I'd have known that's all it took, I'd have worn sweat pants more often.
Although a guy bought me a shot of fireball last wknd and I told him he wouldn't even get half a handjob for that and walked away so don't tell me I don't have standards
My card got declined when I tried to buy dippin dots at 2 am, the lady gave them to me for free because "I looked like I needed them."
If sending nudes to tinder boy is considered functional then yes.
He said my vagina smelled like pomegranates. Its like my vagina is the fountain of youth.
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