there was a guy here who managed to get his head stuck in a fishbowl. no, I don't fuckin know how
I just snorted a line of adderall through a rolled up business card for the Michigan Law Admissions Office.... Tell me I'm not motivated
You came into my room at 3am.. drunk.. and asked to do spanish homework together. Props for being a good student.
The gym has a pool
my gym membership just went from "way to get in shape" to "place to go swim when I'm high"
We still need to grow old, buy a house, and drink 40's while wearing old people sunglasses, staring at the young studs mowing our lawn.
No worries. It'll grow back. I mean, hey, my eyebrows grew back after he shaved them off. So it's all good.
I'm laying in the fetal position on the floor of my kitchen eating potato salad with my fingers. Please come over with some real food and keep me company.
Breakfast Clubbing as Juggalos. I can feel our IQs in freefall.
I jumped out of a moving car going sixty into my driveway because I had to shit so bad. It is not a good day today.
Why do you have an empty bottle of port in your bathroom bin?
If you need us, Zoe and I will be on my kitchen floor drinking Gatorade and crying
We're ordering chinese food so if you want to get on this obesity train answer me now.
My skirt was too short for the church and I brought my flask to the Scrooge play. God bless us, everyone!
I think he's trying to finish jacking off before throwing up again
Like, defending PBR and Bio Dome consumes a lot of my time.
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