that's fine. btw we still need $500 for the donkey...
i wish that every time i slipped on a sheet of ice i had the ability to recover with a michael jackson move
My night sucks. It's really hard to masturbate with a broken finger.
I knew things were bad when I walked in on you feeding juice to your iPhone
Whenever I walk away from the group without saying anything, NEVER assume I'm just going to the bathroom.
dont iron anything. we fucked on the ironing board. details to follow.
He started to lick a stick of butter and was calling it Jennifer.
You bring me burritos. Of course I text you during sex
cake and sex. what better combination is there.
I have this theory that your highest awareness of how drunk you are is while you're sitting on a toilet
IS NO AN EMOTION BECAUSE THAT'S WHAT I'M FEELING RIGHT NOW
I'm noticing I drink less and do fewer lines when I do both together.
Now that's what I call smart money management.
i woke up on the third floor, naked in a closet.
Throwing up in a storm drain... Not my finest moment.
But my shoes looked boss
She was gone when I unblacked out, but she had nailed her panties to the wall and wrote “Colleen’s Dick”with a sharpie on the wall. No idea where she got a hammer and nail
Randomize
