this is like her 8th guy since december, is she wasn't frumpy people would call her a whore
I saw a seagull swallow a hot-dog whole today, it reminded me of you.
thanks for brining me home and putting me in my bed. the pillow fort your built around me is also appreciated.
Just puked on the beach. Hungover. In front of my parents. I love summer.
You guys tried to boil water to fill up the empty hot tub. After the fourth trip back with the kettle you gave up.
I'VE CAME 4 TIMES TODAY. I AM AS DRY AS THE SAHARA, STOP YOUR WHINING.
Is "when in doubt date the guy with the bigger dick" a good philosophy?
I've now spilled wine and got poptarts all over my cast. So much for my doc taking me seriously...
He is always putting motivational shit on FB. So its like i know hes sad lonely and looking at internet porn. Break up winning
I mean in all honesty I would let James Franco shit on my chest. End of story
I may have unintentionally punched your cat twice but he's an asshole anyway.
If he's gonna send me dick pics; he should at least zoom in to make it look bigger.
Actually, I may scrap this entire plan. I just realized that I had sex with a guy with his own whiskey commercial.
You ate ashes out of my bong
I should've known a straight guy wouldn't know all the words to Moana
Randomize
