true best friends attempt to put quarters in each others butts. Thanks for the best birthday ever!
is it sad that pink shorts and cowboy hats remind me of getting jizz in the hair?
I think its a sure sign I need to get laid when every cloud in the sky looks like a penis.
you laugh because clearly you have never had to clean poop out of a tub
I got my period while he was fingering me , I knew it because I never get that wet.
Did u at least say sorry?
Internet sex stories have completely ruined the word sopping for me.
idk but i can hear her singing "Call Me Maybe" really slowly and emotionally in the shower right now
lesson learned.. dressing up like a naughty teacher doesn't mean you can get away with spanking a cop with a ruler for being "fresh" with you
This isn't a because its valentines day booty call, it's a because your cock is phenomenal booty call that happens to be on valentines day..
I feel like im becoming the girl who only drunk texts him. I would be in the dog house, if situations like this had dog houses.
This is what you sent me from the other side of the pool, "Idk but thers a pool n l wanna get naked take off my trunks ill paddle with my dick"
By the way I got my period today. No NHL babies for me.
I left the brick of cheese in your car! Keep it at Moderate Temp! It's my precious!
I was going to say "wearing plaid doesn't make you gay, I wear plaid!" but then... heavy sigh
It's been THREE DAYS. Why do I still have the munchies?!
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