With such a small dick you'd think he'd try to make up for it with some sort of personality.
This house was built for laser tag.
Who would have thought google would have HELPED me fail a test...not pass...thank you pacman, thank you google....
I can't really talk right now. I'm getting on a plane to Oregon to go give a guy a bj. I'll see you in three days.
Well, I was going to ask you what happened to all my lipstick. Until I saw the giant red penis on my living room wall.
It's a special occasion. Hence the 151.
Where the hell did all of these gingers come from? It's like they crawled out of their shame-caves for st Patrick's day.
You would be my first round pick for a drinking team
Just sucked a bong hit straight from my girlfriends mouth & pretended I was a Dementor. Life just 87% more like HP.
He woke me up at 3 am, turned me on, then changed his mind. There is no way he is getting out of twilight now.
yo knit me an eyepatch. but also make it usable as a thong
It started out as friends with benefits and now I'm picking up her kids from daycare...what has happened to me
I woke up this morning with a text from my mom as to why the hell random people were showing up at the house. Turns out nobody came to our house party because I gave them my old address, fuck pre-partying for real
Went to open youtube this morning, and the last search was "ten hours of whale sounds" Best pillow talk ever!
He just canceled. I got an amazing new dress and now he’s decided he’s spending the weekend with his family
In other news, there’s some rando in an expensive hotel bar who is going to get very lucky tonight because I love the way this dress makes my tits look. Want to help me find him?
Randomize