Wow, you were right... Weed does start conversations
You cleaned out the gashes in your leg from hopping that fence with that whipped cream vodka, didnt you?
Seriously why is the deadbolt locked. This is the second time I'm having to sleep on the porch using my boots as my pillow. I can't wait till the next time your drunk.
Shhh, I'm sleeping. Just let it happen Jess.
Oh, and I'm only keeping her around till spring. Doing the hunt for cunt is too tough in 12" of snow.
I'm about to pick up E from underneath a random doormat.......how is this remotely normal?
You then showed up downstairs in only a robe, telling everyone how you were "the most chivalristic fratstar ever."
took off my bra and popcorn fell out of it. im gonna puke at this wedding...
this dude, we had a connection. he kept smiling at me. it's like he knew i was gonna facebook stalk the fuck out of him
URGENT INPUT I'm at a renesance fair after party and I'm 100% lined up to fuck their sword swallower OR their contortionist. Dont say both - which direction doth I roll?
this whole "benign brain tumor" is truly a blessing in disguise. I almost want to start bringing MRIs to the bar because sympathy pussy is flowing like the nile
I think I heard my penis growl. Wanna do lunch?
The guys who program Autocorrect have never seen a vagina in person
Good to know. If our sexting moves past early 1900s vernacular, I'll be sure to use that once or twice.
I sit across from him at graduation so I get to stare at him and think about how I fucked his step brother and laugh to myself
I ended up sleeping with him in a public bathroom because neither of us remembered where we lived. I have hit a new low.
Randomize
