We owe the rent and you're unemployed...you're in no financial position to flirt with cocaine addiction.
Why do I feel like I used to feel when I almost got caught looking at porn when I get caught looking at facebook at work
Just stole a pregnancy test from Wegmans because I didn't want to pay 13 dollars to find out my life is over.
I got kicked out because I puked again I'm on the fire truck outside
Might just stay in and drink cuz of the hurricane. Yea I think Wisconsin might be safe but its a good reason to drink.
Guess the answer to the last 2 texts right and you'll get a boob shot tonight. Guess wrong and it will be a picture of a used, boogery kleenex.
Yeah. I had to take off my shirt. It's soaked in weakness.
Hurry there's four guys dressed up as a bachelorette party, one has a condom veil and the rest are selling candy bouquets and asking if anyone wants to get laid for $5
I never thought I would have to get vodka suctioned out of my ear
For graduation he gave me roses, a giraffe necklace, and a butt plug. I think this might be my one shot at true love
Not gonna lie: had to look up how to spell fellatio. Not sure I spelled it right even now. Looks like a Shakespearean character. ENTER FELLATIO, SOLILOQUIZING.
That's the 2nd med student that has had his tongue in my butthole, what gives.
I can't really feel a difference, so essentially I paid 60 bucks to bedazzle my vag.
I just found a baklava I forgot I got last night so we can call it a day
My dad is clearly baked off his ass. He almost sat on moms cat in front of her, zoned out while staring at it and said he wondered what it was thinking about. Now he's dragging everything from the livingroom into the garage. Moms not happy.
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