our landlord thinks we're weird & alcoholics. he came in to fix our broken tub and saw the laundry door on our table for beer pong, the garbage bag full of empty fifths, and that one armed baby on the doorstep. plus he saw us swimming and yargging in our pirate pool that one time.
She just said, "are my livers going to die?"
Please call me back as soon as your phone is charged, if you die tonight I don't want the last thing I said to you to be "I just farted a little"
someone just laughed at me while i'm laying on the floor waiting for the bus. like they've never been hungover.
I'm not sure if it was sex or spear fishing. He goes in for it like he's crash landing a rocket
Buying weed with grant money. God I love college. No other time are we presented with these opportunities.
It'll just be like "PENIS HERE". In case you get lost.
I was trying to be quiet until started to feel like my cock was being dipped in a rainbow and then I stopped caring temporarily
Will you judge me if i do shots in my basement closet first? No? Okay good
My phone keeps autocorrecting to the "st. Natty's Day Parade" and I'm completely okay with that
I had a dream that I had to take a breathalyzer but then it turned out to be a bong....why can't that be real life?
Is this really the life I've chosen for myself?
LMAO I like how "don't worry I'll bring chasers" is your way of assuring things will be ok
Your ability to eat ass like its your job and yet turn down quinoa because it's "gross" is confusing.
Came up to an intersection and someone was blasting My Chemical Romance at like 9 AM. They're DEFINITELY having a good day
Randomize
