How do I get over judging people who I would be exactly like if I had a boyfriend
Get a boyfriend
Every time I type "should" my phone autocorrects to "shouldn't". even my phone knows my ideas are terrible.
All I remember is saying that "fire will make it all better"
He sent me $300 worth of sex toys. My clitoris went into hiding after two days.
You were so excited to be getting 4 tickets to the Whale Rodeo.... That high
Phone sex soon? I mean date. Sex date. Date phone.
all 3? possibly?
I think I'm up to the challenge.
Dude. Why is there a hamster in my pocket? WHAT THE FUCK WAS IN THAT JOINT
do you know where my other puke covered boot is
So far today I've found 3.5 million dollars in savings. Pretty sure management is gonna start buying me hookers if getting laid has this much payoff
Haha its fine we ask know it. He's still cool thought
Focus on the keyboard man. Focusssss
Omg one of the midgets from last night just added me to Facebook.
As soon as he called me 'darling' in that Scottish accent... my pants just dropped.
Teacher vividly described one of the times he did shrooms, sat down, sighed, and told everyone to go do drugs and let us out 15 minutes into class. I love community colleges
Dude you were so wasted you thought a fake electric candle was real and tried to light your cig with it. Multiple times.
She is beauty she is grace
she’s masturbsting in front of an open window while drunk af 9am
i thought you had class
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