Gonna get hammered and start online dating men in prison. But... only the ones who get out within two years.
Girl's gotta have her standards.
Just seen on a tshirt : "fake titties taste funny"
you just love her because she lets you bang her with fruits and veggies!
finding my wedding ring encrusted in vomit this morning really just topped off last night...
Apparently I ran up to the group of cookie-cutter blonde chicks and screamed "Delta Gamma Nuuuuuuu!" really excitedly and tried to hug them and share fake sorority stories with them.
My dad is drinking wine out of a measuring cup. This explains so much.
Guess what happened to me today at work?
I have chlamydia. What happened.
Oh lets talk about your news first. Mine is happy so it should go second.
I was tackling you out of excitement
Yeah thank goodness the stripper pole was there to break my fall.
Very impressive. My GPA is the same amount of orgasms I can offer tonight (valid only tonight): 3.5
Now that weed is legalized There needs to be reusable bags for people to pick up with. All this plastic is so bad for the environment and a waste
I didn't know whether to laugh at the fact that a dog bit his balls or throw up cause my dad was telling me a story involving his balls.
you said you didn't want to carry the pizza box so just folded up the pizza and put it in your pocket
I went eBay shopping last night. Turns out I brought a Viking drinking horn. I can't even be mad.
I just blew thrown up hashbrowns out my nose. That's the level of this hangover.
On another note, I almost lost one side of my fake butt. Dancing the wobble with the fake butt isn't recommend.
Randomize
