Are you drinking alone?
no, i'm watching house
That doesn't count.
wtf, then i'm always alone
I'm gonna write a book, Things that go bump in the night: The story of Katelyn. Chapter one, my roommate is a dumb whore.
$3 wine plus diet sprite does not make good champagne.
does taste better than andre tho
i asked a few people if they wanted to make pancakes with me but no one would. thats why i'm drunk by myself right now
Yeaaah, so cabbie laughed at me, and said, "rough nite? Let me find you some music" . apparently OPP is the appropriate ride of shame soundtrack.
As per my father's affair, married men are no longer off limits.
In other words, he somehow found his way to my apartment, wasted, and was naked on my new couch. Completely naked. It was too special to pass up.
Lightning struck the tree right outside of her window as I came inside her. I think its God's way of saying go by plan b.
I just learned my tits were fire resistant. I should join the freakin circus
I am the kind of drunk to where i can still drive a golf cart
Love you too. There are very few people I let pee in my dishwasher.
Just fat and dog and sweat all over the bed. All night long.
apparently I kept repeating I have a to do list this summer and he's on it
I threw up outside. Then I peed got off the toilet and threw up. While I threw up u pulled up my pants. Not my best moment
I resent the implication of a jizz addiction
Randomize
