Coming down off exstacy at a church event. Resisting the urge to dance to the church hymns.
You'd think after all these years of evolution that it would be longer than a golf pencil.
i think our first tip to leave should have been when we saw the drinks were coming out of a gas can
Next time i try to unbutton my R.A's shirt with my teeth, please stop me
No promises.
talked to my RA about stamps and mailmen again. when do you think she'll realize that i only talk to her when i'm high?
Doctor took one look at my penis and said, 'you don't have herpes, you just masturbate too much'
Well my door is unlocked for you, I'll be in the bathtub drinking a pre-mixed bottle of margarita until I forget the degree to which my life sucks.
On the way home she put on a necklace with her name on it and wrote my name in sharpie across my chest so that in the morning we could avoid the awkward Idk who the fuck you are conversation. Best. Girl. Ever.
Oh no, we smoked the revival weed. It came in a Batman bag. It hit like justice. And orphans.
So... Really random... You know we only exist cause Dad misspelled 'perseverance', right?
I think I'm crying more because after all these years he never learned to spell you or use a comma properly from me
The thought "Ummm which pants am I wearing? ...I *am* wearing pants, right?" just ran through my head. I'm done. So done.
You left a bit of molly on the table and my mom found it. She asked what it was, I said "not drugs"
She believed me because "leaving that much behind on the table would be a waste so obviously it's not drugs."
Look, the coffee machine died a noble death. It was the way it would have wanted to go. It was a mercy exploding, really.
So, I just found out Ireland, is #1 in binge drinking. I know its Sunday but this one is for America.
Randomize
