why wash my dick in the morning if you're not there to suck it?
You need Jesus like Tony Danza needs another hit show.
No flights in Europe due to the volcano erupting. God himself is telling me to spend 4.20 in Amsterdam.
the only thing coherent you said from what i saw of you is when you were throwing up, i asked if you were done and you just "uh huh you know what it is"
Yeah, I think they knew. I smelled like that telltale combination of strippers and Easter.
Let's cut to the chase. What days are we sleeping together this week?
Oh god I think I promised some guy from high school that I'd be his fuck buddy in like 3 months
Three guys came up to me at the bar and started dancing on me, while screaming "Johnson's girl." That's the last time I sleep with a freshmen.
She asked for her virginity back. I don't know what to say
cops woke me up on the sidewalk and asked where my shoes are.. fuck if i know, im sleeping on the sidewalk! actually i didnt say that, i just cried until they gave me a ride home.
I need to stop getting high and watching documentaries. Wanna go to Japan with me and protest the mass genocide of dolphins?
Taking care of drunk people fulfills my need to be a mother
No one with a hairstyle like that is allowed to insult anyone for anything
she said she doesn't remember seeing me at all last night. ...I was with her for six hours, there's no way she could have been blackout the whole time
what do u think we would be doing right now if we were together
Urinating on unicorns
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