The verizon commercial has a magical pinata. Candy just keeps coming out. It must be a portal to a candy universe.
It's not my theme song, it's my blowjob song. There's a difference.
Nyquil jello-shots aiding in health and happiness
The bridesmaid just threw up on herself. This is going to be the best wedding ever
Hes flirting with her via the sauce packets at taco bell....... I have no words
There's a treasure map on your stomach. Treasure may or may not be the clothes you lost...enjoy
We sat in his closet and drank four loko out of my camelbak for an hour in the dark. You tell me how my night went.
Hey please buy toilet paper today. Plastic grocery bags are starting to hurt now
hey fuckhead. when i said not to grow shrooms in our apartment, that didn't mean "yea, sure. grow shrooms in our apartment"
We're following a guy carrying a door for beer pong at his place..join us when you are deemed sober enough to leave the hospital.
Fuck. I have to get my shit together by lunch. Mission impossible.
Came back with a random sweatshirt, an American flag, and a for sale sign. Mission success?
So I got this new job… ever been fucked in a corner office before?
Other than trying to finger me on the couch in the middle of the bar a few times, you were fine.
Yeah, we got drunk and stole road signs.
Randomize
