Someone's got a whale tail
A thong is hangin out?
No, a fatty following them
I can text with my tongue
You were mumbling a lot and offered me 20 dollars to leave you alone
She said my main job as maid of honor is to ensure the groom doesn't find out that each of his seven groomsmen has had his penis inside her.
Please check on her. She announced that Thursday she'd open herself to any veteran so as to thank them for their service. "my services for your service" and left the bar with three numbers.
You were throwing ham at people telling them you were the sandwhich fairy
I need a picture of your dick for my friends birthday card
the bartender cut you off himself after you started walking on tops of tables and hugging random people
Katelyn drunkenly ripped the soap dispenser off the wall so we decided to call it quits
I just want you to know that we eye fucked the shit out of someone who just got drafted
We lost our room key and found it in his pocket with 3 pieces of fish.
I ended up in bed with a man from London in a sorority wing I am not apart of. Tequila fucks you up
I flashed my cleaning lady and don't remember who I went on a date with. I know who I woke up with though, that counts right?
The frequency with which I change my vibrator batteries is getting a little ridiculous....
The smell of pee and coconut conditioner still makes me think of him
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