good call on bringing her. it's always good to invite chicks who mix booze and prescription drugs.
You fell asleep mid BJ last night. I put your pants back on you. My ego is pretty bruised this morning.
alright got my week's quota of sex in, ready for modern warfare 2
A guy just tried to send me a pic of his penis & my phone sent me a disclaimer saying "the components were unsuitable for your terminal"
Even your phone knows you shouldn't sleep with him...
I tapped out to boredom. She bought me a full meal at Subway. Two tap beers and a pretty weak long island iced tea. I'm five dollars cheaper to fuck than she is.
And your hair- I'd make sure to pee on it first.
Keep in mind that he's 43, unemployed and living with his parents. There's really not much we could do to make his life worse.
FALSE ALARM! I didn't piss myself, I fell asleep in the shower and then drunkingly crawled into my bed
I honestly think the worst part about the night is they just kicked us out of the park and we didn't even get to go into Disneyland Jail
You made her yell her own name while you were fucking so that you would remember it in the morning.
do you want to shower with me?
only if we can drink the jungle juice while we shower
Are you done yet? I've eaten three corndogs so I'm ready 2 party.
MY COWORKER IS ATTRACTIVE AND I DROPPED A SONIC THE HEDGEHOG JOKE IN CONVERSATION I FUCKED UP
You know you're an adult when you start planning your hookup a week in advance
He’s older
Like “has a job and pays his bills” older or “still watches porn on DVD because he can’t figure out the Internet” older?
Randomize
