I just bought the big bottle of Patron. It looks small. What have I done with my life?
Succeeded.
McDonalds has hash browns for only a quarter!....how many u want?
All of them
I'm handcuffed to the toilet. Don't ask
Get caught with marijuana. Cop takes piece. Buy new bong. Circle of fun.
Is it mean to convince my old booty call she used me for sex so I can bang her again before I leave for Denver?
I think I might be drunk enough to cut my own hair
I almost bumped into a man wrapped only in a blanket at 10 am
I drunkenly transformed into shehulk last night and lifted every single guy off the ground bc one guy told me that there was no way I was strong enough. Don't worry, I proved them wrong. Stupid stereotypical men.
I have a diplomatic trade for you. My pants for your rum. Tomorrow?
The psychic I saw today told me NOT to text the guy I haven't heard from yet since our first date this weekend b/c it wouldn't go anywhere...Miller light said otherwise. Miller light > Cleo
my night stand is a mini fridge, dont even try to get on my level of laziness.
Although now I have "number of cheese slices" as a unit of boob measurement in my head.
I think after 8 tries we can say Stoli Thursdays cause too much damage.
I don't know what she looks like but I'm pretty sure she has a pussy.
Why are my jeans soaking wet and smell like chlorine??
Bc u told a stranger in the hotel "I have sinned' and made him get into the hotel fountain and "baptize u". I've got a vid
Randomize
