So #1 way to come back last night and #2 wishbone and I broke into his house and i opened joey's door and u were both passed out and pantless.
Intervention is following me on twitter.
wow.
His health insurance plan WILL NOT cover Lasix surgery but it WILL cover 100% of a penis enlargment operation...
you're wrong. we DID have sex last night. just ask your roommate. you seriously don't remember him asking to join us?
I just found a casserole dish in my oven filled with broken glass, blood, and chopsticks. And the REALLY fucked up thing is that finding it answered more questions than it raised.
It wasn't so much skinny dipping. It more like skinny walking...through a fountain.
Oh god. I finally realized why the coked out Stevie wonder was explaining the concept of movember to the McDonalds clerk. Drunk me didn't process that another month comes after Halloween... It's apparently November.
You sent me snap chats of you guys having sex. Like plural. It was like flip book porn, I'm traumatized.
He came over to use the microwave, said he needed to heat up some urine.
Also. When I die, I'm gonna have them put me in the casket naked and then have an open casket funeral. That will be my last chance to make people uncomfortable.
DON'T PUKE iN THE PRINGLES CAN, WHATEVER YOU DO!
Thank you for helping a fellow gay friend today. You are sublime and deserve free tickets to the Ellen show
I WANT TO JUMP IN TO A VOLCANO
you were on a whole other level. you went home with him because he said "you got some light ass eyes"
im about to go through the checkout with 3 flasks and a wedding card. let the judgement begin!
update: cashier guessed cash bar before i could say anything. completely bypassed "dry" and knew cash bar right away. i love this state.
Randomize
