i broke my thumb. i no longer have 2 opposable thumbs. i'm sub-human. i love vicodin.
bitch asked me if i cared if she kept her snuggie on while we had sex
I may or may not have just visibly given him head in front of three young children and their mom. They all looked mortified.
I think we should make a list of challenges so that when stuff like that happens, we can check it off. Like a scavenger hunt for hoes.
I am the Bobby Fisher of drunk asss puking
Played "Which Couple Will Take Me Home Tonight" at the bar last night... I can now cross three-some off my bucket list
Finished sriting an apology letter to my liver 2 weeks before st. Patricks game on
He said to use 30 racks as chairs and then drink til we fall thru the box
Yeah man... I ordered donuts, drank wine, and cried to a movie with Seth Rogen in it. Do you really think I have my shit together?
we're the same shoe size and he owns more pairs of heels than i do. this could be the beginning of a beautiful friendship
Holy shit, just saw a girl in the library smoking a bong disguised as a calculator
It's not even 8 pm, or Saint Patrick's Day, and Kevin is drunk on my roof humping the air
I'm trying to find a fanny pack so I can bring pizza on my run
Got drunk in Atlantic City Flagged down some guy with two wrapped tampons like road flares for a cigarette.
Same encounter she body slammed me to the floor and than humped me
Seriously. There were about 4 hours in which I swear my nose was not attached to my face.
Randomize
