If a cop asks you "Where do you go for fun?", it's not a pick up line...especially if he just pulled you over.
he's a nude model. what could you have done to make him feel awkward??
after the first, "yea you like that baby", i quickly remembered why i had stopped having sex with him.
You said "i miss him" not "i miss his dick." You're getting emotionally attatched. Shame.
Bren left me with a lovely parting gift. Newfouund alcoholism. I'm on the kitchen floor, hugging a bottle of vodka. It's my only friend now.
If you don't want me in your apartment then lock your door better
You are a booty call, not a friend.
Who replies to a drunk text at 6am that's like against the rules of being a designated drunk text receiver
He can keep it, but if he asks for anything else i'm just going to start pissing on things.
Some guy is in my phone as Pat McAwesome.
God, please protect all woman from micro-penises
My bail money is reserved for people I either A, think were in the right, or B, have an awesome story that leads up to needing it. Just remember that before you call me.
So high, just applauded for a magic trick on Hulu.
Had a rough day but my boyfriend made that all better by going down on me while letting me watch Top Gear... I'm buying the engagement ring tomorrow
So then I got so stoned I sat and took my pulse for 10 minutes.
Randomize
