If a girl drunk dials you she's at least entertained the idea of sleeping w/ you correct?
YES
I learned his name tonight. This now makes him a real person. Obviously, I no longer want to sleep with him.
Using Dr. Seuss quotes to ask me how badly I want your penis is not appropriate.
just puked in a purse in the store. some girl asked if i was gonna buy it now and i laughed and asked her why id want a bag some dude just puked in. her face looked like she saw the devil.
It's cute how he thinks we're going to have sex again
Do you know any thirteen year old jewish kids? I'm looking for a party.
I can't remember where my feet are. All I can see are colors, and all I can feel is terror. The lollipop was a bad idea.
He's basically wearing those Nike boner sweatpants. It's hard not to jump him. How has your day been?
I just woke up entirely naked on top of a pile of some guy's laundry on his bedroom floor.
You went full blown lifeguard... You wouldn't let me sleep until I was in the safety position, so I wouldn't die in my sleep...
All I do lately is eat steak, drink warm beer, watch porn, and avoid booty calls when I'm too lazy to take a shower. I think the apocalypse turned me into a dude.
Am I over stepping my bounds if I ask to fuck in your new bathroom?
It has heated floors
Apparently "I licked it so now it's mine" doesn't apply to people
that's what I'm here for. I'm literally just bad advice mixed with motivational sentences.
I don't want them thinking I'm like, "Mm, yeah, kitchenware in my ass please."
Randomize
