So there are ramen noodles in the shower you need to explain...
Whenever he makes me dinner its always mini things.. cheeseburgers, corndogs.. is he preparing me for something?
If I could pick any std, I would pick genital herpes. Seriously. Have you seen the commercials? The lady is riding a fucking bike, swimming, and on a date. I have a perfectly fine vag and all I do is go to the library.
I want Jason Statham to talk British to my vagina.
I imagine anything that isn't a dilldo attached to a jackhammer, powered by a generator won't be amazing enough for you
well as my mentor always said, "Don't antagonize the man whose penis gives you multiple orgasms."
I might be a bit. I accidently started hot boxing the bathroom. I'm just gonna go with it.
so I am that guy with the red solo cup in class. someone has to step it up.
I owe a guy a shoe because I threw it over a fence. That is all.
Why do I even exist?
The walk home lasted longer than the sex. He lives in the flat above the bar.
If there's anything else you're planning on stealing from me, please let me know so I can set it on fire
so like
i may have gotten a little bit of blood in the charging port of my phone
Wait, there's no way I said I would suck his dick. I know drunk Katie.
No, you told him to suck YOUR dick.
See now that sounds like drunk Katie.
i cant hook up i'm covered in egg rolls
Omg I should get on tinder just to get some edibles in town
Randomize
