WTF why am I in the Atlanta airport?
u know whats better than using ur vibrator? using it w/ jeopardy on in the background and half moaning the correct final jeopardy question. yeah that just happened.
I just heard a girl in all seriousness say, "I told him I'm not a stalker. I just really really want to talk to him."
Not sure. We'll pass out on that bridge when we stumble to it.
I just horrified a large group of people. Congrats on dating me.
I just want a guy that likes cats and is willing to get a vasectomy. IS THAT SO MUCH TO ASK?!
Why would I send you a picture of it when I could just steal the gnome and put it in your bed with you? Admit it, he looks just like gnomeo!
Oh wow. I almost tweeted #TweetFromTheBackOfACopCarTuesday but I didn't think it was that appropriate
So take that alcohol. I still win. I ALWAYS WIN. Plus i didn't have to wear clothes. DOUBLE WIN.
Its raining shots and i keep catching them in my mouth like you with dicks shits crazy
If I walk downstairs and Kelly is fucking in the laundry room again I'm gonna die
I JUST REALIZED THAT SINCE LEIA IS TECHNICALLY A PRINCESS AND KYLO REN IS HER SON AND STAR WARS IS OWNED BY DISNEY...KYLO REN IS LITERALLY A DISNEY PRINCE.
Oh my Gods. Why. Why did you have to tell me that. D:
SO YOU CAN SUFFER HAVING THAT KNOWLEDGE TOO.
so i was about to call you for your birthday but then i started making out with this guy... and i feel bad but i felt like you'd understand
Just shaved my balls on a moving train. By far the most dangerous stunt I've ever pulled
She shit herself again. We're calling her the "Queen of Sharts".
Randomize
