Biggest lesson I have learned in college: Drink if you are happy. Drink more if you aren't.
I just had a flashback of 4:30am: me hugging the toilet bowl and you handing me a jar of pickles to open. There is something seriously wrong with us.
then she said she was half-a-virgin and that she would appreciate it if i would finish what her old booty call started
I keep calling his kid the wring name. This is not helping my cause. And by cause mean his dick
Slept in my car last night. It snowed. I peed on the street. Hello 29...
if you need to find her look her up on www.imastupidslut.org
.org?
yeah. they're non profit. helps them sleep at night.
We've started traveling with Michael and Patrick so we can pretend we're two legit straight couples.
A charade that fell apart the second another couple on the cruse found Sarah face down in my box on an observation deck.
My brother walked up to us as we were making out and was like "hey man, go to town!" and winked
Yeah. That's the shitty part. God, I don't want to be a step mom. Sure I'm great with kids, but I just want unlimited sex and not have to worry about making friends with a fucking 7 year old.
I imagine it like the scene in Sorceror's Stone, but instead of flying keys, it's flying dicks.
That is a dream.
I can't wait to get home and drunk cuddle your dog
Dude, you can't drink while watching Star Trek. You hardly understand it sober.
It's an alien shaped cup though. i think that'll help me absorb.
Changed all my ex bf's names to "no" in my phone so the next time I try to drunk text one of them it'll basically be like Russian roulette
There is a guy down by the river wearing a zebra print speedo and a sombrero, with a beer in each hand, screaming "This is America bitches!"
If your talking about a poncho I WANT ONE
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