im sitting in a tub with a sombrero on.. im just kind of confused.
someone wrote "the short drunk lives here" on our door. i already have a reputation
This girl just swallowed a pealed banana whole. I'm not worthy.
It's the only time I've ever felt manly shitting myself
It was a legit night tell he threw a snowball in the bar, thats when I knew it was time to go to the next bar.
You overflowed the toilet cuz you tried to flush apples. you said they were singing too loudly
You had me at "mimosas" several texts ago.
Only sluts go out in this weather carpe diem boys
The shit I just took made me regret every life decision leading up to it.
Yeah everyone's alive and well besides the still terrifying threat of Ted's conception of a human being
Direct quote from her that tipped me off I was getting some: "I want to jump on his shoulders and wrap my legs around his face"
that man is just a bundle of powerful magic and poor judgment
if Anne Taylor knew what she did in her clothes, she'd be banned from the store.
oh come on, it's the perfect length summer dress to blow a stranger in the bathroom in
my nose is crying tears of wow.
He told me that I should keep my socks on next time because he read somewhere that it'll help me orgasm...
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