So bad night, ended up beating off to porn and eating Keebler elf cookies.... at the same time :-(
Conclusion from last night: Sometimes being classy isn't as fun as making out with a guy on a pooltable in a bar. Happy birthday, Canada.
Why the fuck was there a shirtless Mexican in my apartment this morning?
her last google searches are 'cheap african safari' and 'what does lion taste like'
he started fingering my stomach rolls instead of my vag... am i really that fat?
You tend to look at life differently when you wake up to nutella vomit all over your room with no recollection of how it got there
You know how to spell recollection?
any advancement on the stomach flu vs. pregnancy scare of '10?
Well, a cop just pulled up. This could go either way.
I feel like his dick looks like a decorative autumn squash.
It is a special kind of bonus when you find money you hid from yourself when you were drunk in the tampon box. What did we do last period?
He was so drunk he was throwing the bowling balls into other lanes on purpose. He still beat my high score thought.
THERE IS A VIDEO OF DMX SINGING RUDOLPH THE RED NOSE REINDEER
I'm officially in the Christmas spirit
I think the only option is to smoke so much weed I just pass out for 3 days.
I'm crying watching Rihanna at the VMAs. Periods are a bitch
My boyfriend just called me on his poop break from work.... Is that what you meant by moving too fast?
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