fun fact: cucumber in vinegar with pepper = best ever high snack
There comes a time in every man's life where he has to shit in a catbox to prove a point.
I just woke up on my kitchen floor using a yellow pages as a pillow and surrounded by plants that used to be in the garden around my apt building, can't wait to see the security tapes for my eviction
Intervention is following me on twitter.
wow.
Well, you're either very drunk or very high but I'll let it slide because I love any type of conversation concerning cheese.
It's a self-perpetuating puke chain.
Well for starters, her tits were hairy.
Had a grope session with a girl who looked like my Mom and had the same name as her as well. I think therapy is in order.
Nothing like having your house arrest ankle bracelet vibrate and take a moisture sample at the exact moment you're about to blow it in some chick...buzzkill
We were just sitting together and this guy walks up to us and says, "you ladies are drinking too slow", puts a 5 dollar bill on the table and just leaves the bar. Helloooo Taco Bell
If it's any consolation, I made really strong brownies yesterday and had 3 and then I saw demons
Fair warning: I will be throwing corn dogs at you every time I see you this week.
Get ready tonight we are going to get drunk and pierce my nipples
I'm like a saiyan, every time I get trashed I come back stronger
tell him if he brings over dinner you might let him see your left boob...or right, whichever you prefer. But under no circumstances do you let him see both...unless he brings a good desert...like coffee ice cream or something
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