I see lights
Your drunk and in times square. Time to take the 2 train home.
This ginger kid smells like a queef popsicle
drugs are my only escape from this reality. good thing I got it at a discount price last night
Dude. I kneed him in the face and gave him a black eye. It's like a constant reminder of our hookup. I feel like herpes. I never go away...
Bartenders are not toys. I repeat, bartenders are not toys.
so when our kids ask "when did you know you loved mommy?" you're gonna say "when she sent me emoticons about slobbing on my knob?"
Then again, he has huge mansions.
*manboobs.
MILK DIDN'T HELP. IT'S NOT HELPING
Is it sad that I planned a a romantic trip to dunkin donuts for and with myself on Saturday, then added an equally romantic after midnight stroll through the half off candy sale? I find that worthy of adding a few cats to my collection agree?
I'm discussing Magic Mike with my mom and totally get why she thinks I'm gay.
lol show me an arrest record and I'll drop my panties
I just asked my mom if I could be the drunk realitive at the reunion. She said as long as I'm not obvious.
Two days ago a random guy asked me to sign his forehead 'cause he wanted to have the name of the prettiest girl in the bar on him and never wash it. I just saw him and my signature still there...
My fuck it list is complete! I finally got a firefighter!
If he isn’t into CosPlay he will be after tonight. That naughty nurse outfit heals broken hearts
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