it's like sucking your thumb. only its not yours. and its a penis.
i just had sex bonerless
Holy shit I just stopped short on route 18 because I thought my gps was saying I had to turn right in 11 feet. After almost hitting the guardrail I realized I had to turn in 11 miles.
Fuck I'm high.
I just had a flashback to last nights party, I'm pretty sure I told most of the people there that I post a masturbation schedule for an iCal download.
I've been living off of popsicles and broth.
you vomited through the snorkel and onto the back of your head. it was truly amazing
You climbed into the Suite next to us at the game so you could steal the half eaten hot dog someone had left on the table. That high.
No. I'm too high for this. I gotta focus my mind for my future Hooter's interview
I also turned off the Anchorman DVD start menu before cause I didn't want Will Ferrel watching me lose my virginity.
He fell into the beer pong table and broke it. Then he threatened to throw the toliet at us if we didn't let him keep playing
I woke up knowing I have nowhere to be today except parties and it was glorious and I am so happy
I had one beer! ONE BEER! They took shots in mourning of my tolerance last night. My ability to drink is a joke.
It's a sad day when ur phone automatically updates u on Thursdays that traffic is normal and how long it will take to get to the bar
That's fucking great actually
Every time I download Tinder again, I hate myself a little more.
How is it that I know 4 different bartenders who won't charge me for drinks, but I can't get laid?
Randomize
