I'm on the bus going to class. And a cop just rolled by and I got nervous because I didn't have my seatbelt on. I have to stop smoking so much weed.
She woke me up, whispered "I like the size of your dick", kissed me, and rolled over and went back to sleep
thursday was literally the first time i didnt drunk eat since the bush administration and it was only because i was fucking someones boyfriend. making a mental note to do that more often.
you wore rainboots all night because you said the forecast called for wine spillage
I would personally love to see the surveillance video of me throwing my stuff inside, peeing on the sidewalk, then crying hysterically when I realized I locked myself out. Again.
Yes, he did use his cock to direct traffic from my 3rd story window. That's why I love him
I can't wait til I'm a real grown up and am no longer expected to take 7 shots of raspberry ruby as a pregame to a night of drinking natty lite
I just sang Hey Jude with a homeless man and then we drank beer together. Then I watched asians take pictures under a xmas tree for an hour and fell asleep in an MGM Grand bathroom stall. #AloneinVegas
I see the guy who's been trying to get me to let him eat my ass became engaged on Facebook today; would framed screen shots be an appropriate wedding present?
I wore Yonce braids out last night and made out with a man and a woman #bowdown is right
Yo whoever left a thong on the dining room table, first of all get help second of all please remove it now
I woke up to him crying and pouring pixy stix in my mouth saying they would bring me back to life.
Pride log, day two. Noticing more bruises and scrapes. Liver functions probably very lowered.
And I broke things off with Justin last night. Except I texted him while he was asleep and then I was like well, that's probably not what he wants to wake up to, so I sent him a picture of the coconut I microwaved and caught on fire when I was really high one time.
So, I can officially cross "getting eaten out in a church confession booth" off my bucket list.
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