and the officer said have you been drinking
and i said NOO SIR.
and he said, I am a woman.
there is this woman at the counter who looks identical to linda ellerbee. and she's grinning. COME. INSIDE. NOW.
i have it on good authority that she is not as good at giving head as she claims she is
You were partners with her mom and you began calling her "the Robert Horry of beer pong" You also kept telling her that she was hotter than her daughter.
They normally just get fucked up and see who can hold their hand on the exhaust the longest. It's great
my wrists were so small for the handcuffs, i could slip them off and hand the tow truck driver my keys....
There's banana everywhere and your hamster may or may not have stayed the night in the microwave...
Yeah he got kind of mad when he found out he had chased his last two shots with a combination of orange soda, water, and used mouth wash.
The lady at Walgreens was all excited my pregnancy tests had a coupon.
Lube filled water balloons always make for a good time
Remember that time you puked in a beer pong cup while someone else was playing?
that happened
Somewhere in this city is a lost rubber penis that needs to find its way back home
Ah you cut my boxers off with scissors, we're way past introductions
I don't want to go to sleep. I like partying with myself.
I don't know what that means but it's making me want to fuck you.
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