just accidentally masturbated with tiger balm. best. accident. ever.
Would it be a dick move to report the suite next-door for a noise violation? They're singing Bad Romance off-key and I'm not sure if I can allow that.
Oh so it was one of those "I shouldn't have gotten in a cab with a random 21 year old girl" kinda nights.
Birthday Treasure Hunt was to follow the clues. At each spot there was a stick on tattoo and a shot and at the end there was 2 cases of beer. I have 13 tattoos and don't remember turning 18.
I can't wait for paintbang. I'm going to throw a marker at a child. There will be bail money in my backpack in m trunk. Don't use it on beer.
Thats stupid. Your future is a life of less pay for the same work. Free drinks is how capitalism reimburses women for its inequality. & youre not even taking it!
Need. Hospital. Physically am floating.
it's just not right when you're boyfriend has a nicer ass than you do.
Sometimes you've gotta crawl to stay concious
Well shove his head down there and tell him not to stop til we have a new president!
My mom and sister were over. When my drunk roommate came home, he yelled "GOT BITCHES IN MY CONDO"
Some days you ride the struggle bus. Other days, it gets a flat, the AC breaks, and you run over a bunny.
So this is my life now? Laying in bed texting about Hulk penis?
Can't believe we're making vacation plans with the guy we had a threesome with
I feel like I'm in a astronaut outfit like I'm a spaceman & I'm just floating around cause that's all you do in space is float and I'm floating to be in detail
Houston we have a problem
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