i met a boy and i'm in lovvvvveeeeeeee and we're going to vegas and getting marrrrrriiiieeeeedddddd!
let's be honest with each other here, that's about the worst idea you've ever had. you need to walk this one off.
Apparently you make a good broom.
that was you who tried to jump in front of my car in the monkey suit wasnt it
The bartender gave me a roll of masking tape so I could tape my heels to my feet so I wouldn't lose them when i went drunk running later that night
Any day you don't mysteriously wake up in the garbage is a good day.
You hit on my mom and then passed out in the kiddie pool.
Woke up with my face in a bowl of cereal. This is tequila's way of saying fuck you.
what kind of roommate is she really? she wouldn't even hold my hair back.
For gods sake, I only took one. With two nyquils. What a happy world its been today. Fulfill your obligations and then its marvelouso.
I'm doing somethin that's never been done before...the 10 am booty call come over
How did "late lunch" turn into 8 solid hours of drinking??? I feel like death.
Did I run away from you last night?
Yeah it was a great moment for our friendship
Do they mail horrible human being awards or do I have to pick it up or what's the protocol on that shit
My boss just lit a candle and said a prayer to get laid tonight ..
He has great taste in girls. I feel closer to my Eskimo sisters than my real sister...
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