Yeah I'm pretty sure at one point I was telling her to keep her dick in her pants. She was going to do some serious damage.
Walked home this morning with my contacts in a shot glass.
First class.
so now that i'm sober i just want to apologize for violating your back seat...... on a brighter note thank you for playing the little mermaid song "kiss the girl," really set the mood.
Nothing says "I forgive you for puking on me during sex" like a Facebook add the next morning...
Well I turned her sobriety into my own personal drinking game
They're letting me teach a freshman-laden class now. This university needs better background checks.
Our neighbors just passed us a blunt from their deck, and are hooking us up.
I just baked them cookies. We're friends now.
Guess what I signed up for?!?!?!
Please tell me you're not selling your eggs.
In two unrelated events today I have had frostbite on my toe and cum up my nose. Who says life stops when you get married?
Send help, water and tortillas.
ANNA HAS DISCOVERED EROTIC FANFICTION OF SHARKNADO THIS IS NOT A DRILL
We had sex on roll out bean bag chair, and then proceeded to sleep with a blanket with dolphins on it. Happy birthday to me.
My father has a definite type: blonde, busty, 18-22. It was awkward when I was in college, but now I'm over it. I play wingman for him and he buys me expensive purses for the assistance in getting him hooked up with girls younger than me. Win-win.
We need a kiddie pool and lots of cornstarch
By the way, you totally deserve "i got a job sex".
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