Partly cloudy chance of praying to the porcelin gods
dude im shwasted, kabul is not the best place for this
i always knew that i'd have sex in your room, i just assumed it would be with you
It was huge And he was twirling it around. Im telling you, beautiful wonderpenis
I guess I just laid down next to him with the entire pot of mac n cheese and started giving him a handie with one hand and eating with the other
Dude, you chugged an entire bottle of tomato sauce and got us free drinks for the night. No way was I gonna stop you.
I may have made out with a tranny last night, which, if I don't get fired for everything else that happened, really makes last night epic.
The 12 year old son winked and made eyes at me while his father fed me vodka gummy bears. Gameday yo
Your heart is a swirling cauldron of blackness that does not pump blood but rather a sludgey mixture of evil and broken dreams.
I know we said we never would. But try fucking a fat guy. He put in so much more effort and then made me waffles.
Straight up asked lady in a lime green jumpsuit how to make your ass clap. That thing wiggled more beautifully than ocean waves at sunset
Just had ice cream and a blow job come together in one glorious, defining moment.
She's like the King Midas of sexual confusion. Everything she touches turns to gay.
I got my nipples pierced. If you haven't seen my boobs in the past week, you're among the minority
You just kinda wondered into the street and started screaming at dogs and small children...
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