Goddamnit I hate your level headedness
yo im tryna cop a beej tonight
yeah, we don't understand. the wings losing for guys is like girls finding objects in their body..just weird and sad
I'm calling into work with a wicked case of sledge hammer crotch. She has to understand
When did it seem like a good idea to do pull ups off the balcony? After beer 5 or shot 7?
Hey Im running from the cops. hiding in a bush. when you're approaching the intersection honk the horn twice and I will come out.
He handled me like a finger puppet on crack... Time to ice the vagina, I'd like to sit down sometime today.
I filled two of the glass ornaments in my mom's bathroom last night with vodka. That way no one sees me drinking on Christmas. Alcoholic or genius? All I know it makes bathroom trips frequent and enjoyable.
I vaguely remember having a cowboy explain his belt buckle to me in the bathroom hallway
No like you fell onto the fence. I don't even know how you got into the fenced in area.
i know i should keep better track of the things that i put in your vagina but i've put so many things in there it's hard to keep track
That's how I like my men: traumatized and crying in a ball
I had a dream last night that I answered the phone and after I said hello, Shia Lebeouf started yelling "DO IT! JUST DO IT!" That's when I knew, I had officially become meme trash.
He stood next to me peeing as I was puking behind a car in the parking lot, telling me how much he loved me. On the other hand, he loves me!
just realized we fucked to the ultimate disney playlist last night. hakuna matata.
Randomize
