i found your underwear in my bra... i dont even remember how this happened.
shit. all i remember is the look on your moms face.
she was like a sexier Rosie O'Donnel
then you gave the doctors and nurses bloody high fives
If you were curious as to how many pounds of bagged marijuana can fit in the trunk of a 2010 Chevrolet Aveo, we now have the answer
Virginity is like the pottery barn-you break it, you bought it.
Thanks....I've always wanted my vagina compared to an overpriced coffee table
And to add, there was a fat guy right next to me who, when the girls would shake their butts, he would let out a shrill xena warrior princess cheer
Just got cockblocked by my GF's wedding shower... That's a first. And I have to buy a gift.
Who gives a hand job to a 19 yr old one night then the next lets a 31 year old random man fly a plane to town and pick u up and take u to dinner?
I have a present for you
Like a legit gift, not just me showing up and getting naked
It's no longer hooking up, we have definitely graduated to Sport Fucking....
The Royals are in the World Series. I've never drank so much in one week in my life.
Don't do it. He's got a dick the size of a baseball bat. You don't want that commitment.
I have to. For the sake of science.
I only live four blocks from the bar but when you're hammered this walk feels like the journey through Mordor.
I consider walking to the bars and dancing my exercise and I buy doubles so my drinks r heavier so that's my arm workout
I'm the only person I know that carries solo cups, shot glasses, ping pong balls, two decks of cards, and a lawn chair in his trunk. I'm ready to turn anything, anywhere into a party.
Randomize
