The girl behind me at the dollar store said couldn't wait to get her permit, then requested a pregnancy test. God I love being home.
i think the whole apartment complex could hear you beating off last night
I'm in a trailer park. But I'm not scared. The virgin always lives.
ever have one of those nights where you feel like you should leave the house with your insurance card? that is tonight, my friend.
Missing part of a tooth cos I tried to open a beer with my teeth, just saw a dude that looked like bill Cosby though so things are looking up
mate, my mother watched me threw up out of my nose wearing only a g-string.
sea world and a strip club? BEST DAY EVER!
Thank you for the legal advice. I hope I can pay you in blow jobs.
I found the crust to my pizza under my covers that's cool
meanwhile at my house I found 2 bud heavys in the back of my book shelf crammed between a Franklin book and goodnight moon
Phone keeps correcting good morning to "food moaning" and I like the way it thinks.
I'm eating cheesecake with my hands completely naked while falling asleep
don't worry, i'm not mad. i'm just angry. and furious. and about to set your ass on fire.
please don't forget about the bread in the toilet i am absolutely not dealing with that
Dude, he came to our house with a beer can in his hand dressed up in a chicken suit screaming, "free eggs!" then threw up and passed out in the front yard.
Randomize
