Whatever. They have the same name, so it's not even cheating. It's brand loyalty.
had another sex dream about alec baldwin...
How do I recover from singing "your body is a wonderland" on his voicemail?
We told the pizza man that the door was most likely unlocked, he could leave the pizza on the counter and give himself 20%. He did it-I'm never moving out of Aspen.
so high and i think i just ordered a magic bullet.
did you call within the first 18 minutes? can i have the free one?
he broke up with her mid blow job, and somehow convinced her to finish. I want his life
I think I just saw my 8th grade band teacher trying to pick up a hooker
Either call me back or tell me you're in jail. For fucks sake. If this is a cop, just help out. national league.
Showed up 2 hours late and still drunk nobody gave me a high five. This intership is bullshit.
SOMEONE has to puke in the potted plants at an Xmas party. As their boss I felt it should be me.
It's like your nipple is comforting my nipple.
Flatmate got laid for the first time in 3 years. I'm baking a cake.
Well that was the first and last time I've had to write "divorce party" on a request time off form. I'm throwing it for my mom. What is my life turning into.
I came to the conclusion that Tinder and having the day off are not good for my relationship.
It's totally a relationship. we have sex in other people's beds, watch mad men while high and get drunk on his teammates' beer. don't you dare stomp on my dreams with your societal judgments
Randomize