quick I need to know all the foods that the very hungry caterpillar ate
I keep trying to sit and the chair keeps running away from me
I just watered my plants with apple juice. Look what you made me do.
I mixed the ketchup wit the mustard in one bottle to save time making hotdogs
Remind them to make the "above the influence" commercial about us fallin off a ferris wheel
let me put it this way. im never saying "join in or get out" again unless i know whos in the room.
she said, "is it ok if I touch it?" that's when I knew I was in trouble... I knew she was a virgin but seriously..
I'm about to enter vancouver's biggest liquor store. I feel like I should sent you a "wish you were here" postcard.
I think I'm the only sober person in the whole bar. If you count drinking less than 10 tequilas sober.
So, the officer that worked my wreck, I'm rockin his world tonight. He saw me high on morphine in the ER. So he knows my level of crazy. Think he'll agree to wear his gun?
So many things can go wrong tonight.
I was cracking open beer cans, throwing them off the roof, and yelling "FRAG OUT!"
LET US USE OUR GENITALS TO CELEBRATE THIS VICTORY
Apparently I was walking around with a slice of bread and wine saying, "Jesus would have wanted this." 🙄 🍞🍷
I can't believe there are people our age getting engaged and I can't even find a solid coke dealer.
Checked my bank account this morning...apparently I went to 7-11 at 4am and spent $22 on taquitos. New all time low for me.
I ate all of them. New all time low for ME.
Randomize
