You just made me feel so damn special
I feel like this woman may give her husband a hand job mid way through dinner. just saying.
I just saw a San Diego firetruck. No wonder they can't figure out how to fight wildfires if they get so fucking lost they end up in Nebraska.
seagrams + popov + pineapple + milk. there, ur search for worlds worst drink is over. you're welcome
You realize if you die tommorow, the last memory i'll ever have of you is your ballsack on skype
He looked me straight in the eye when he was fingering me last night...it was very serial killer.
I think I might stay on campus instead of going home for thanksgiving and see how many townies I can hook up with and no one will be around to judge
I think I just agreed to be an escort for an Asian guy who's gonna be in the city next weekend before he moves back to Shanghai...
Absolutely. Last time I signed up for a softball league I had sex with my high school economics teacher.
He's bringing condoms over for me in case we "bone".... the fact he calls it boning is not a great start.
This hurricane was the perfect excuse to buy 2 pounds of animal crackers and a case of beer. It's on Sandy.
Why am I wearing a dog collar
Only way we could keep you from running in to traffic.
I don't know if dry shampoo will fix the decisions we made last night.
I'm stuck in a tree and request your assistance ASAP
I like to send nudes ok? If that's my biggest flaw I think I'm ok
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