Your vagina is a self cleaning oven.
You probably shouldn't be hiding under someones bed listening to them get head
I'm at the casino and some dude apparently has money in an entire row of slot machines. Its like watching a really intense adult version of wack a mole
if he wont fuck me on the stairamster then i dont think theres much XXX shit going down
My mom assumed I was crying because he was leaving. Figured that was better than explaining my eye's sensitivity to semen..
I found out that my first kiss was an Italian. Even in kindergarden i knew size mattered.
Just woke up with a blunt in each nostril and a lighter duct taped to my chest...good lookin out
I rolled out of the car, crawled on all fours to the door, did somersaults all the way to my room, and then I ran across the parking lot to tell our neighbor you wanted to bang him. I'm not even sure if it was the right guy.
I'm gonna have sex with my clothes on and I'll know everyone there so I'll be in my comfort zone
there's no way I could forget finding someone else's hand in my pants
The sense of comroderie I've built with my liver over the course of this semester is beautiful
If I get laid dressed as one of the McPoyle twins, I deserve all the medals.
I'm sure he'll make the rejection quick and completely justified.
I really feel like I should slow down on the getting hammered. I told a bartender on "Taco Tuesday" that a $3 margarita was too expensive. And proceeded to have a $70 tab.
Me and my girlfriend were watching porn together..... it got awkward cause I kept getting notifications from my family on Facebook
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