I never want to see another naked old woman again.
I am going to invent a chocolate mix for sperm.
Just looking for some anal play. An attempting to read atonement. The highbrow/lowbrow divide is striking.
there are people swimming in the fountain next to the library... hello senior week
My ex wife just asked to go over our divorce papers and for sex in the same text
PLEASE DON'T BE HEARTLESS COME AND GET ME FROM THE BAR I'M HIGH AS SHIT AND I LOST MY SHOES
Btw he dated my mom. You're Eskimo siblings with my mom. Good job.
I asked for my Beats earbuds back and he sent me a pic of them tied around his penis. Now I miss both my great ear buds and his great dick
Why is it that when I sustain a serious injury people are more concerned with my level of inebriation than my personal safety?
I just rode a horse than walked onto my property in boarshorts, flip flops, and holding a 40. What do I win?
Whoops. I'm a horrible gf, I dropped the "I'm looking for jobs in a different city" bomb before I wished him a happy anniversary
like every night i go out someone always suggests nipple hugs so that's why I always end up topless
Ended up at the strip club, got told I should be a dancer 4 times, got free tacos and my hot TA slide in the dms. How was your night?
I'm super disappointed in my clit.
FACT: You were laying down on top the bar letting randoms do bodyshots off you until someone told theyre friend "its time to roll, i wanna hit another bar" and you literally rolled your self right off the bar. have fun explaining your bruises tomorrow
Randomize
