thank you for a lively/lovely evening :)
should have blown me.
did you ever find your cell phone? and your dignity?
Its like Laser Tag, but more fun because it ends in sex
Hows this for an invention: a toilet that weighs your poop
you took a scissor and started screaming "I WANNA KNOW WHAT ITS LIKE TO BE BALD"
but really, i care about skinny girls as much as michael vick cares about rotweilers
you made me watch la bamba, and then you yelled at me for disrespecting your mexican heritage.
I made the bartender pinky promise me there was still vodka in my drinks.
I woke up in a place I've never been before, with people I've never met before using me as a table for domino's.
Let me clarify that those tears were for losing my fuck buddy and his penis, not to the fact that he decided he wanted an actual relationship with feelings.
I'd rather take 10 virginities than catch something. Right now I should be good, I mean the sex with Jake was so bad he can't possibly have an std
You opened the door to your apartment and shrieked "THE CHAIR IS GONE!" then punted a bag of votive candles
he just fucked me for my cheese..
How proud should I be that I googled "dildo with wheels" and actually got the result I wanted?
That confirms what we've all known all along. I'm a bad gay. I have no fashion sense.
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