He said "what's the haps". I don't know what the haps are but there goes his chances
if we break up, who will get the dealer?
I woke up under a table, with a huge Mexican sombrero, a box of 120 doughnuts and a bloody nose. It all screams success.
i just missed the spain goal because i was puking in the bathroom. damn you open bar.
i think that dennys waitress has my boxers
We need to stop sleeping with people based on which NFL team they like.
i just found out the cashier has a picture of my junk in her phone.
Girl on the bus just slammed her book shut, turned to me and said "I'm way to fucking high to be studying"
That was like me applying to a law school drunk at 5 am
Hahaha. That's funny.
But I got an 18k dollar per year scholarship
Slept with my first Irish dude before I even got off the plane. Dublin has no idea what I have in store for it.
Spent fifteen minutes in the car thinking i was psychic before i realized the cd was not on shuffle
40s are totally the cure
And now I'm taking a break sitting on the bathroom floor thanking god that people who eat at subway are either too classy to piss on the floor, or are still relatively sober enough to not piss on the floor before 5pm.
Like wanna sit on your face while you speak German hot
THEY LEFT ME IN A CLUB BY MYSELF. I’M SO ANNOYED. I’M GOING TO FUCK THEIR BARTENDER FRIEND. Caps only because I’m really mad.
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