Hey sorry i havent responded. i threw up on my phone while i was sleeping
Remind me to tell you about the dream where im a fighting a super hero whose only weakness is sunkist.
the only reason why im excited to go home for break is to finally eat real fucking food and have normal bowel movements.
If i apologize for punching you in the liver repeatedly will you explain where the grass stains on my shoulders came from?
We convinced you to take a shot out of the sponge...there were still suds in it.
happy find a boyfriend by next Valentines Day. Its like a new years resolution but depressing
Kurt said to text you and encourage you to come out tonight. Encourage you with my rack.
Oh god iv'e slept with this police officer before oh god oh god
I made a wizard staff out of Keystone light... I am therefore the smoothest wizard in all of our university's history.
Nothing says casual like stairwell bjs
You don't understand. On her lunch break she sits on the roof, stares into the sky, and chain smokes. I can't get on her level. She is made up of java monsters with whiskey and a voice that sounds like sex.
You need to stop crushing on your boss or fuck her.
I did a kegel this morning to determine if I had been penetrated during last night's blackout. Nope.
Explain why there's a meatball in my bong
so after 3 days of looking i found the keg...looks like somebody tried burying behind the garage
FUCK ME I smuggled weed onto a plane by accident
Randomize
