Somebody spraypainted a transformers head on a transformer box..my life is complete
After you took the handle off the bathroom door I had to coach the Scottish guy sitting on the toilet, throwing up in his own lap, how to put his pants back on. Yes, I think he won the drinking game.
How long is it safe to eat only Hot Pockets and Popsicles?
Blowjobs in the shower are a lot like blowjobs not in the shower. Awesome.
apparently it was the return of drunk burrito sex.
So getting a bj to I believe I can fly is one of the greatest things ever
I think that the winner of this years fantasy football league should get naming rights to you child
this is what happens when you pick a roommate a year in advance.. she ends up hating you for hooking up with for of her extended family members
I don't know, but I assume drunk me had her reasons. I trust her judgement.
I rubbed his back while he puked for an hour and then ended up getting laid when I tried to put him to bed, best puke and rally I've ever seen.
you told me your favorite colors were "pink" "no pants" and "Mexican food"
the second she challenged me to mario kart drinking game i knew i was in love
I asked her if she could eat some Doritos so when we made out it would taste awesome
MAGGIE IS ON MY COUCH PETTING AN HONEST TO CHRIST ARMADILLO AND SOBBING INTO HOT CHOCHOLATE. WHAT THE FUCK DID YOU DO TO HER.
we went outside for a smoke and when we came back in you were ptfo on the floor holding the phone to your ear. Pizza pizza was on the line.
Randomize
