I'm currently googling how to make a dress out of a trash bag. It's going to be a great night.
Can Purell be used as lube?
Need sex. Gaining weight.
i was gonna tell him a really embarassing story about you, but then i remembered im in all of them
i just got a fart via voicenote. blackberry has officially changed history.
i was trying to find the best way to say come over and have sex, without saying it.
I'll see ya tonight at your house...and I'm bringing you a special treat that starts with a V and ends with us eventually going to rehab one day.
I legit had to pull him off my car. Then he texted me saying 'take me places.' Shotgun getting that drunk tonight
I made her a sippy cup with eggnog and whiskey. My meditation app told me to go the extra mile for someone today, so I did.
Also I fell in love w a girl dressed as a pirate that was great at doing the limbo
Mom called her a cunt. I think that's code for "don't bring her over ever again."
Just reminding you that you are currently drunk spooning a chair saying it "loves you unconditionally". No more rum.
Saw a girl outside my apartment shotgun a bud light, then a red bull, get in her Tahoe, and drive 4 people away. Gotta love thirsty Thursday.
ARE YOU OKAY?
Physically? Yes. Morally? No.
He started humming a moment like this when I was taking off his pants.
Randomize
