Remember that night when i almost got you arrested? Is that funny yet?
Oscar is the man. He keeps getting pictures of hot nude women with messages in spanish saying "i hope you like it" sent to his phone
whose oscar?
the baller who i guess decided to give out a fake number at the bar last weekend. luckily that fake number was mine. i have enough porn to last me until next month.
frankly if you're gonna get kicked out of your place, hooking up with your gay roommate's boyfriend would be the most entertaining way to do it.
Green mimosas i think yes
Party at my house. Beach themed. Clothing optional.
Wouldn't that make it "Nude Beach Themed?"
just remembered spooning on the cardboard and confessing to each other we had the spins.
If you were a real friend you would have told me you saw me in a porno despite how awkward of a convo it is. You act like I should always know when I'm being recorded.
I could have made money off of that but no you had to wait 2 years to drunkenly tell me this shit.
Oh god iv'e slept with this police officer before oh god oh god
Side note, from now on any snap chat I get that isn't interesting enough... Is getting a dick in response. Judge your snaps accordingly
Why is there puke in my guitar?
Because you puked in your guitar.
Their children would look like the Michelin man and smell like chef Boyardee
She ordered an O'douls. That was the end of that date
Just kidding. Don't worry, you're getting sugar and orgasms for Valentine's day.
Ok here's the plan: birth control, KFC, handcuffs.
well i blew him then my wife blew him, so im guessing we'll be seeing him around, yeah
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