It usually only happens when Im really excited. Normally not that fast. You still enjoy it?
but why does your life always sound like the plot of a porn?
since when did accompanying a guy to a wedding mean that anal was required that night?
The puppy is a lightweight. 3 beers and he's passed out on the floor already. I repeat, the puppy is a lightweight.
just heard a glass bottle fall in lecture and my first thought was to yell party foul.....is it friday yet?
He googled the address of the bar, then sent me a text saying "6.3 miles. Too far. :( Apparently I am only worth a 5 mile radius.
i think he saw me take a picture of his dick
No, I don't not want an upside down piggyback ride. You're drunk and there are rocks.
Gina was bawling her eyes out and then she ran into the street and peed. she kept screaming "LOOK WHAT YOUVE DONE TO ME"
Model at car show < day drinking with your favorite sister. Get your head in the fucking game Christopher.
You can't just say "I scored us a potential threesome" and then not text me back.
it doesn't matter what you do now, you will forever be known as the girl who fell off the roof
nooooo! we need to brain storm. I need rebranding....what if I start always showing up with my cat or a wacky hat?
try again roofio
The lady in the stall next to me just screamed "why are you so hairy!?" and "why can't you get any!?" to her vagina. WTF
Look don't ask questions just know that one thing led to another and I have a shot glass stuck in my ass. I need your help!!!
I don't actually like you. I just want to hook up with you.
I'm fine with that
Randomize
