They normally just get fucked up and see who can hold their hand on the exhaust the longest. It's great
NExt question... Do i wanna sleep under my palm tree
YES.
just had to shower sitting down. i hope this isn't an indicator of how the rest of my week is going to go.
I never thought I'd say this, but there is a life threatening amount of rumpleminz in our freezer
No one intentionally makes bad decisions, just errors in judgement. You have your boyfriend I have a restraining order from universal studios. It's all relative
His beard is glorious and he smells like barbecue. Introduce me to him.
It's ok for me to have his baby but I can't be his friend on fb. Wth is wrong with this
This is one of those moments when you do what I say or I come stalk you down like a gazelle.
Send me a pic of your kids to remind me why I have morals.
Instead of a fine and a few hours in jail he chose to get tasered, break his neck and shit his pants
It's like sexual waterboarding. You gave me sex so good I'm comparing it to torture. Jesus.
Serio, who the fuck falls down coming offstage wearing nothing but pasties, a g-string, and a fake moustache, and now suddenly needs a tetanus shot. Me. That's who.
Halloween: the only night of the year wheee the more high I get, the more it compliments my makeup and outfit.
I will most likely miss you the least and fondly remember you as Mr. "I need a minute" but really need 24 hours and 4 extra inches.
He started praying immediately after we hooked up, condom on and everything.
Randomize
