So. Camera broke because I tried to wash it under the sink, kristi had to take me home and I woke up to my computer showing me that I googled how t take more than one shot at a time. I'd say the night was a success.
he was humming party in the usa while we were having sex.
After that we used the in-room hotel coffee pot to warm up some queso. it was brilliant
Corey Haim died. 80's me is so sad
Well... this vagina won't eat itself
I just puked in my non fat yogurt... But it's non fat in hopes that someone wants to eat my vagina
I don't know what I would do if cheese never existed
Someone's stooooned
How much do you charge for your Funyun and beer delivery service?
The site I use to study flash cards keeps showing ads for truck companies hiring drivers. It's like the site is saying "hey, we all know there's no hope for you, just give up and Become a truck driver."
I don't know, I think having hemorrhoids shows character. You have to be trying pretty hard to get them.
Well I mean enduring a 45 minute conversation about C-sections was worth the 9 jello shots those soccer moms gave me.
He used the ring emoji and we've gone out four times. What is my life.
As she came, she moaned Roll Tide. I kid you not.
If my one night stand asked me to move in with him right after does it still count as a one nighter?
How is it that I know 4 different bartenders who won't charge me for drinks, but I can't get laid?
we need to open a bar. a bar with... wait for it... A FUCKING BALL PIT.
LOL. Do you guys need a ride home?
No. we're home already. i just thought it was a brilliant fucking idea.
Randomize
