You're not pinnochio. Lying isn't going to make it bigger.
he said he wanted to butter my pancake. i thought it was sexual, but he went downstairs and made pancakes. i need to stop dating fat guys.
He kept buying me shots of tequila. I decided to just save myself the half hour of toilet hugging and tell him straight up that I intended on sleeping with him. We got Tacos on the way home with all the money we saved.
My friend and I just coined a new term. OBJ. The obligatory blow job. You totally know what I'm talking about.
Like if he goes down on you first, or you just don't want to bone him yet. OBJ.
Guys with values who care about your personality don't cum on your back the 2nd time they you sleep with you.
No im just getting a road beer. You got my pants?
The cougar has a calendar on her wall of when she can give topless handjobs again. I pity her husband.
He sent me a poorly photoshopped picture of his shaved dick wearing a Hot Dog on A Stick titled "Shorndog"...
Would it be weird if your parents sold me weed?
Yeah..I guess you know your hair looks like shit when TSA asks to inspect it
You made out with both twins? Ten points to you!
Overall a good night - broke my toe giving that cop a blowjob though...so there's that...
Nothing says you made great Saturday night choices like someone's dick that you don't remember, poking you in the ass Sunday morning.
The cat is stealing cigarettes and my vagina cures blindness. How's your night?
Why did two squirrels just run out from behind the couch?
About that.
Randomize
