im learning from these one night stands last time i came in her this time i came on her AND deleted every contact in her phone!
Sad Moment: I only had enough $ at 711 to buy chips or salsa. I chose salsa and took a plastic spoon
Just saw a Mexican guy pushing a stroller with 3 twelve packs of corona in it with a toddler struggling to keep up on foot behind him
we had to stop you from eating moldy cake.. twice.
bringing a ziploc bag full of Jim Beam to the movies may not have been the best idea.
just had a flashback of you pouring champagne into my mouth from someones balcony..
I'm handcuffed to your bathroom sink. Save me.
Whatever. He's going to tie me up tonight whether he wants to or not.
Dude you went around coming up behind people and whispering in their ears. I dont know what you said but they looked terrified when you left.
But I did spend part of my morning scrubbing your cum off my grandmothers piano.
I sang him a lovely rendition of 'So Long and Thanks For All the Fish", but replaced fish with dick.
Your drunk naked friend is roaming the living room. Started roaming my room. Please come retrieve him
Let's just wait to see what happens before we start making radical plans and starting fires
still drunk on my way to class to give my presentation on the negative affects of alcohol on the body. hell yes.
in the past 2 days I've ruined2-3 lives, made 2 men quit the bar, started a Wednesdays only affair, ended it, ruined that engagement and had my tires slashed by a jealous bouncer. please stop letting me out....
Randomize
