Are you seriously drinking already? It's 11AM. Still morning.
I'm going by McDonald's time. And since they stop serving breakfast at 10:30 and start serving lunch, it is now afternoon.
vodka and carrot juice, if im gonna drink i at least got my 8 servings of vegetable
it glows. i had to have it.
Weekdays seemed more exciting when I had a drinking problem. Like I had something to look forward to at night.
Well we're gonna drink when we get home and I just invited the cab driver to play beer pong
It's ok I'm watering my plants with a 40 in my camelback, people are staring
im not even sure if i fucked her just woke up in her closet.
I guess I really am the only person in this world who can successfully have a no-strings-attached threesome on the beach.
The sun is gonna brush it's hairy dick across my forehead in the morning, gently whispering: "you're 4 hours late for work"
Stoned in a petco on a Saturday. I figured out that ferrets can eat themselves out. Just picture it. Never leaving.
I reek of latex and grilled onions.
Mission accomplished.
So we became Pizza Strippers- we stripped and asked for slices of pizza in return.
I really feel like I should slow down on the getting hammered. I told a bartender on "Taco Tuesday" that a $3 margarita was too expensive. And proceeded to have a $70 tab.
easy for you to say. you're not the one who has to explain why you woke up with a pineapple and a used condom.
I think this is the first time I heard a lesbian version of baby it's cold outside.
Randomize
