Haha no. But I cannot hook up with you anymore. Especially when you group text people.
the only time it's appropriate to sing In The Air Tonight by Phils Collins is while sake bombing at Cal Beach
um or while having sex on a train
I woke with a ring of glitter around my dick.... I kinda don't want to wash it off
sorry i interrupted the heart to heart you were having with your bathrobe last night
woke up to an unread text message i sent to myself: "brreakfdast..pork and ice cream."
I wont be hard to find. Im wearing a darth vader mask and I have a megaphone.
better to have posed nude and lost than to never have posed nude at all...thats what i always say
Ill bet we could have atleast fucked a girl who fucked a guy who has fucked tara reid. That's a famous circle right?
Sometimes one must go to great lengths and make great sacrifices to get drunk. I willingly accept the challenge.
found a rock and smashed the sliding glass door. home safe. screen door is locked so we're good.
my mom found me passed out in the kitchen floor with the Brita pitcher.. Happy Mothers Day
Yesterday I dumped him, went out for my birthday, hooked up with someone else, and today he still fed my cat. Living with your ex ain't so bad . . .
All I want to do is drink an excessive amount of free alcohol bought from strange men, while taking frequent trips to the bathroom to snort an assortment of illicit drugs off dirty toilet seats. Break cannot get here quick enough...
You made noises. And kept meowing. I have a twenty minute phone call to prove it.
She asked what a chaser is. I died a little inside, please come back..
Randomize
