Oh and ps....i was sleeping soundly until i woke up by the sound of amy on the phone with her mom sobbing hysterically because she can't stop having the shits.
is it weird that i blow-dry my hair and poop at the same time?
not any weirder than you telling me this at 4 in the morning
do you know what's more awkward than a positive pregnancy in a public bathroom?
not a thing
walking in on a stranger's positive pregnancy test in a public bathroom
my dad just said 'either you're lying about your plans tonight or you kids are really lame nowadays'. maybe we should nix the singles saturday slumber party and go to a bar.
You texted the wrong number but that's probably the best call you'll ever make.
this isnt the first time ive seen her dressed as abe lincoln
All I want to do is fuck in the bell tower before it leave this school. Is that too much to ask?
I dont care if your mom convinced you it should be an abstinent christmas. I did horribly on finals and i'm out of booze, so you will get over her and FUCK. ME. NOW.
Fucken Tweens. They smelled like cotton candy and hand jobs my nostrils were offended.
I think we did. All i know my pants smell like pong water due to the bathroom extravagansa. God I feel like a whore.
You didn't say, "No." And you stole more than half of my Snickers. You owed me that dick.
Had to sacrifice my vibrator batteries to the thermostat gods. I had a dirty dream and also almost a heat stroke.
When we missed a fist bump and simultaneously did the Rocket Power handshake I knew I was going to blow him.
"I played a game called "how drunk can you get in a minute" last night. How was your Thursday?"
Oh god it's open bar.
dad says come back and get the lawn mower out of the pool before mom gets home
Randomize
