hey my socially awkward cousin is our designated driver for summer, we just have to put up with her wierd shit.
Bret has after-school detention for writing Brianna has a stinky vag on the ground at recess.
U sang "shots, shots, shots" then walked 2 ur top drawer and threw socks everywhere singin "SOCKS, SOCKS, SOCKS!"
i woke up with a wedding ring drawn on my finger...if this was vegas id be worried
is election day enough of a holiday to justify getting fucked up on a tuesday?
woke up this morning in the hall outside of my parents room with a sign taped to myself that said "im sorry"...
You know its good night when theres makeup smears on the toilet seat
dude I just got a noise complaint from my apartment people for loud sexual activities. I'm framing this for sure
tell me there's a reason my bed smells like paint thinner
Hey, ok if I kidnap you? I wanna test a theory.
Fulfilled a bucket list goal last night. Borrowed a dollar from a stripper to buy smokes
God bless Atlanta.
just woke up on my patio with a mouse eating cheetos off mys chest. youre all assholes.
She told me she was the Publishers Clearing House of Dicks. Two dicks a day, everyday for life.
One of my favorite March activities is cropdusting people while wearing a kilt.
There’s a stripper dressed like a slutty pilgrim. Is that a thing?
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