What are you wearing to our high school reunion?
I don't know, What kind of dress says "I feel sorry for you people?"
The last shot i remember taking was toasted to "love, sex, and magic". Needless to say I was 0 for 3 on that toast for the night.
Just a heads up: The party is Fourth of July themed. Spread the word
dude its may
Work with me here, man.
the cop cuffed us all with 40's still taped to our hands
I got out of bed with her to go smoke a bowl with her roommate which was fine but I passed out when I went upstairs to take a piss.
Yeah.. she's probably not gonna call.
Well I consider my vagina a dear friend. She treats me good I treat her good. We work together. Glad we could be of service.
you tried to fill your inhaler with vodka
Dude, this is like the 4th time today I've had to use cruise control for a 25mph zone. This hangover is never fucking gonna end.
I just bought $54 in Easter crap to try and blend in the pregnancy test... And FYI, it totally worked.
If I have to masturbate more than twice a week you fail as a fuck buddy. Just so you know...................you failed
Too bad, iambic pentameter is a drunk specialty of mine.
Did I tell you about my dream that I got handed a $100 and my vagina dissolved it? I think it wants me to not be a whore anymore.
The dude we met that gave us weed sent me a video of his balls covering the sun like a solar eclipse
The squirrels were at the front door. Dude I swear..
U were so upset when the shower ruined ur nachos. I didn't kno what to do.
Randomize
