i can't wait to go to hell
yeah...all of my friends will be there for sure
I wish I could google chicago male strippers on my work computer but I don't feel like talking to HR today
Man, the last time I saw you you were giving me a thumbs up while being pulled out the bar by your belt from some girl.
seriously when did my vagina become a soup kitchen for the poor
I had to have my mom pick me up from the party and the windows lock was on so when I went to projectile vomit out the window it wouldn't roll down and it splashed back at my face.
Dude I am not desperate enough to pay my dealer in change. Maybe tomorrow.
i ordered 6 shots "to go" what did you think was going to happen!
I feel like I just want to take a shot of jack, have sex, and shoot myself in the face. In that order exactly.
I just think his face would be more attractiveif it was framed by my thighs
Went kayaking. drunk. DID NOT FALL IN. Mission succesful.
I need to find parents that want to take care of a grown adult. I'm sure there's a website out there for that. Like a sugar daddy but sugar parents.
Wellp yesterday was spent absurdly hungover and today was spent in planned parenthood so I hope that's not an indication of the year to come
After we won I just ran all over campus for a couple hours. Then made out with a guy on a bench
The hot streak continues..if life was NBA jams i would be "on fire" right now
I just drunk texted the Italian guy and now I’m flooded with Shane. Uh, shame, not Shane. He sounds nice, though.
Randomize
