I just noticed she took the "toys" too. That's how you know when it's really over.
Don't byou dare ruin egg salad by putting your penis in it that would be so sad.
Just used the leftover candycorn for candycorn vodka. Our house is trying to continue the Halloween spirit for as long as possible.
I've also decided that the true test of whether or not you should marry a girl is if she will willingly blow you while you eat Oreos.
what's the appropriate greeting for someone whose bed you've had sex with someone else in?
If you haven't gone to the store yet. Can you PLEASE get me some clippers my balls will thank you later
Drunk. But sober enough to know I hate gymnastics.
He literally named all the parts of the vagina as he fingered me. No more pre-med virgins.
You were doing bacon vodka shots and chasing them with barbecue sauce. You're officially fucking disgusting. I love you.
There are days when you go to throw something in your bedroom trash can and realize the only things in there are a used condom, a Lime-arita can and a muffin wrapper.
Also, you should've bet on Team Liver.
We won.
USA USA USA
Are you still in his room?
Nope, yogged home at 8 am with one shoe on.
The expiration date on my 40 is the same day as my 21st birthday
I smell of tequila and Im going to a funeral. This is my life.
4 of us. Guys and girls. Were sitting there discussing the passed out half naked Brit girl on the floor. She is no longer the international woman of mystery.
Randomize
