I wish my penis had an off switch
i find it a beautiful talent that i know how much pubic hair the girl in the next stall has just from the sound of her urine
she said it was ok for her to take her top off in the hot tub but she didn't take off her bottoms because that would be slutty
I can't belive they dont sell booze Sunday mornings. I mean some of us have to work
My roomate just said the he would "tap dat" to the 13 out of control girl on maury. Im finding a new place in the morning.
Eating hibachi. The chef is squirting sake into my mouth with a ketchup bottle. Happened twice, more to come.
I hated hipsters before it was mainstream.
I have just gotten home. I saw a lot of penis tonight. On a trampoline. Shit got weird.
At the same time that I bought plan b I got some Girl Scout cookies too. It's not a total loss for you.
Probably TMI here but I just rubbed one out while listening to thunderstruck, almost ripped my dick off.
I feel like I'm in a development meeting for a Lifetime original movie.
Btw, I feel the need to make sure we have no misunderstanding about this. So here goes. I'll happily mess around with you again. However, I probably won't do it while you're dressed like a creepy clown. Or any clown.
After I asked for my 6th Gin & Tonic, the look on the flight attendant's face started to make me feel bad about myself.
I threw up in the bathtub last night like a decent human being.
wow bdsm is so cute
Randomize
