Nice meating you last night
Not a typo
I just came out of my doctor's office and i look into the window and i see a guy sitting in the front seat getting head.
why are you so shocked? you live in brooklyn.
after he passed out we removed everything electronic from his room, stuck in some old books and an ancient typewriter from goodwill. for 20 min. we had him convinced he'd drunk himself backward in time.
she went to pee and i could hear her singing "Drip Drip Drop LIttle April Showers" from Bambi through the door.
Just found 2 diff. colored pubes in my underwear..new record.
i just overheard someone saying that they invented the 'tequila mockingbird' last night. sorry, but i found better friends
My vagina and my morals are playing tug of war
He gave me an orgasm before we even reached 2nd base, everything he did in high school is irrelevant.
I mean looking back on it, it's unlucky but at least now we can say we were in jail from 2011 to 2012
That's thinking positively..
I see your smile in the face of every drunk that senses he's about to slay a troll.
Well, for starters, she called the condom a "dick mask."
I'm to the point where I'm fantasizing about Iron Chefs going down on me.
He said my vagina is harder to escape than the Temple of Doom.
He named his newborn baby after a character in the Hobbit and that is literally keeping me up at night.
Dude they are making elephants out of dollar bills. I'm way too high for this
Randomize
