Is masturbating to pics of your ex on Facebook considered cheating?
You are proof that most things are best left unsaid.
I'm in a trailer park. But I'm not scared. The virgin always lives.
I woke up in the penthouse and did lines off the to of the fireplace. This is not real.
You woke up in the middle of the night and told me we won the sweepstakes, the penis sweepstakes.
I googled what to do, and it said to squeeze the pressure out so people are taking turns sitting on my head. I can't believe I'm allowing this
Dude you make losing your phone an art. You left it balancing on a two liter bottle in the kitchen. Wtf
just used my nephews bottle to take my birth control
What do you think french fries on pizza would taste like?
i already know. Delicious. Use ranch.
I know that we've never been that tight but I want you to meet my cat before I move.
Will you be super villain lesbian lovers with me for halloween?
I changed his name in my phone to "Irrelevant" last night. Not changing it back.
He also wore a doorag last night so i had to swipe left.
They're letting me in by good graces, I can't show up with a fist full of dildos
Dentist appt at 2pm get milk poured on my tits by 2am
A marvelous 12 hours
He showed up to my apt at 6am wearing a suit and holding a bag of coke....how could I not let him in?
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