Why are you such a perv today?
This is a lot to handle
Oh shh
I'm kidding you prude take a joke
Its a bunch of hippies dancing in front of a stobe light. For ten dollars I could have gone to the strip club and at least had a lap dance
He gave a passionate hug to every tree on the way to my car.
yeah he couldn't walk in a straight line and started throwing up and told the cop he just has an astigmatism
He's in bed with me right now. I'm wearing a towel and all I could wish for is my freedom. And pizza.
I don't care what anyone says I want strippers at my funeral.
Babe, I need to be clear. I DO NOT WANT TO HAVE ANAL. Never. No anal. No "talking about it"
Please tell me that's his leg and you didn't really just send me a picture of your dog's dick
She seriously pointed at the couch and asked me if she could "ride the talking giraffe". I'll never serve everclear again.
TAKE ALL THE MAERHMALLOWS AND PUT THEM ALL IN THE MAGICAL NIGHTSTAND
Haha you were definitely messed up. Let me know if you need anything
Could really use a time machine and a higher self esteem, in that order
When that bartender tried to tell us he sang like Sade, I knew it was time to go
Banged a guy with 2 broken arms once. Top that
I’m not dating him for his personality. I’m dating him so I can steal his dog.
Just bedazzled a flask, while drinking out of it. Hot glue is EVERYWHERE.
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