literally had 100 drinks last night.
It is obvious to me now why clam chowder & beer aren't a good combo.
bouncer thought i was tryin to get the license plate numbers of strippers to stalk them. I had to go show him where I threw up to get back in.
bailing my boss out of jail is a great way to spend memorial day
I ate a pepperoni off of someone's floor last night. We need to talk.
Luckily my prof thought I was puking from nerves and gave me motivational mini speeches the entire final.
Your grammar in that last text message was so awful.. My vagina wants to go crawl in a hole, and never speak to you again.
If you come home and I'm pantsless with cake smeared all over my face, I'm sorry.
I bought something for you today. You'll love it.
What is it? Drugs?
My booty call fought through ice and a foot of snow to get here. He brought booze, food, and cigarettes for three days. My vagina is the greatest motivator of all time.
You're such a good friend. You send me pictures of your boobs when I'm sad. I will always appreciate that.
i just woke up to her giving me a toothy BJ so I had to break into your bedroom and steal about 4 condoms. Sorry for waking you. :(
He just compared our sex to a grand slam on Wii fitness
You're doing it right
I'm being hhit on by creepy guys please come one bought me a penis hat balloon animal save meeeee
Tell me that I didn't just get ash in my Russian and just mix it TF in bc who cares and life has no meaning.
Randomize