maybe we dont have boyfriends because we dont have tans
why do all the strippers look like they came from fraggle rock
I swallowed your vile semen and you don't know what color my fucking eyes are!?
The guy that just projectile vomited over the balcony is now going down to find the pill he just puked up. He said he wasn't about to waste $15.
...that's why he's not doing anything with his life except breeding geckos
I'm pretty sure I told everyone in the bar I hadn't had sex in five months. And then I offered everyone calamari.
Ummm Im the uneducated alcoholic of the group... if I say its a bad idea, its probably a bad idea.
I may, or may not have licked his face in an Applebee's.
Was he good-huge or like "what the fuck do i do with this"-huge
Can I tell you that I just incorporated the spice girls in my sexting and you not judge me
At 38 I had to open a Snapchat account to communicate with my 21 yr bf. where is my life going.
She said she didn't feel right fucking on her parents dining room table I grabbed the only thing around bubblewrap she blew me for creativity
But I did discover that he's totally okay with going down on me while I eat taco bell so that's a plus, right?
Dude she passed out on the floor so you covered her with a blanket to make sure "no one would notice her"
And when she started moving around and making noises you told everyone, "it's okay, it's just my roomba under there".......
I haven’t sent any nudes yet in 2018.
That’s not true...is it?
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