I sharted during my first quiz and I couldn't leave, I went ahead and took the rest of the day off.
iPhone photo doodle is awesome. I gave my vagina some lazers and sent it to him. He has a whole series waiting on his phone for when he gets off the plane.
My doctor literally wrote on the script NO SEX
you kept telling her you'd make a great step-dad while cuddling her and rubbing her back...
The underwear in the garbage is clean. Just wipe the pizza sauce off
Seriously? What part of meeting at Oktoberfest while I'm wearing a dirndl, double fisting, and making out with random guys screams "i'm girlfriend material"?!
Dude, this guy showed up with a 40 and stayed for two days. I want that lack of responsibility
I woke up with a piece of pizza duct taped too my hand and a paragraph written on my chest. Good night is say
No. I either had a 6 minute orgasm or I had so many I lost count. I'm still not sure.
My mom just asked me if I can obtain a fake ID by thursday
My new successful method of booty calling is sending a screencap of a map with the shortest route from their location to mine highlighted.
I just pawned the ring from my ex boyfriend to replace the ring I lost from my current boyfriend. #thanks
I just need to get a little drunker before I realize I'm not straight
alright well you definitely hurt his feelings though you told him he looked like he was going to an Amish community prayer meeting..
I just took like 30 condoms from the doctors office... no one can say I don't try to save my money.
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