saw "Pah-jure" lube. Thought of you. Wearing the same clothes to work tomorrow.
I stayed in, ate a pint of Hagen daas and watched a movie about aids. Soooooooo single.
"auto-tuned camel" is how i'd describe the noises she made
I made him go down on me for 40 mins then pretended to pass out. I swear, I'm like a boy.
It's not slutty if it's for workout purposes...right?
Anne I just took two ambiens. I think my body is melting into my blow up bed. Like a stick of butter just slowly melting. And I'm alright. Don't be afraid. I'll be alright.
I'd like to say yes, but I nearly lost my shit when I assumed there was no back to my house. I am not strong enough for hallucinations.
it's my birthday, i should be around people i want to fuck
you puked in the bathtub and said "let them pee"
So we just accidentally broke into a building from the third floor while carrying shovels. The security guards are still very confused
Saw a girl outside my apartment shotgun a bud light, then a red bull, get in her Tahoe, and drive 4 people away. Gotta love thirsty Thursday.
Yeah, the email that I was sending to get an Escort for the weekend, copied and pasted to my boss, that should be interesting conversation, when I come back from Christmas vacation break.
Crying while listening to Miley Cyrus. BE GLAD YOU JUMPED THIS SINKING SHIP!
I just had sex a few hours ago now i'm eating frozen yogurt making sex plans for tonight while catching Pokémon. What a time to be alive.
I'm not 100 percent on this, but I think I just shit a lump of cement. What the fuck happened last night?
I am witnessing a blind guy whip ass at beer pong
Randomize
