everyone is single if you try hard enough
good penises are hard to come by.... must be the economy...
He called me "the Joe Montana of blowies." Not sure if that is an accomplishment or an insult, but going off of the amount of condensation on the windows of my car, I'm gonna just do a little touchdown dance and pass out.
No one showed up yet so I smoked 4:20 on chatroulette with a naked chick..
I love him. He's like the father I never had that I kind of want to fuck.
I found her sitting in the shower having an argument with the dolphins on the shower curtain.
I walked downstairs and he was standing in nothing but his boxers with his dick hanging out warming up eggs in the microwave.
we've been doin it since '07. it's like married sex now, were both comfortable so neither of us really tries anymore, we just do it because it's convenient
Setting up an obstacle course with ladders, hurdles, and a spring board to the pool. you down for drunk races through it later?
You can wear my underwear. It'll be like old times.
We hooked up with 2 friends last night as always and she stole their fucking cocaine and I just had to drive to their house and make her give it back to him hahshshahahah only me
you kept shouting 'jesus penis' when i was on the phone with 911
just found the "let's take a picture before we do these roommates" before picture
thank god there was never an after picture.
You told everybody that you were a dragon and then projectile vomited all over the kitchen.
i just went to hell in the tanning bed. i think god is giving me a preview of what is in store if i keep getting drunk everyday.
Randomize
