those girls across the street saw me hanging my towel off of my penis...they're coming over later
dont get mad but guess who just got banned for life from dodger stadium
better to have posed nude and lost than to never have posed nude at all...thats what i always say
You weren't a difficult drunk to take care of. I just had to stop you from plunging the toilet once or twice.
the tow truck driver and i bonded while discussing our experiences with four lokos
Lauren she was gnawing on a dresser. Gnawing. On. A. Dresser.
Sober December ended when I found beer behind my bed...I lost $2000 but spent 6 hours sober. Meet me at the bar?
Remember when I asked you to make sure I didn't go home with anything less than a 6 last night? You're fired
I woke up and found cookies in my purse. It's a 12/12/12 miracle.
Would I chase a raccoon with a flaming stick sober?
You shouted, "LOOK I'M HAWKEYE," and beaned mike with a dildo from across the room.
also new logic of mine : I fuck a Scottish kid , Scotland national animal is a Unicorn airgo I've come close to fucking a unicorns descendent, mother always said dreams come true
The best part about daylight savings time this weekend is we get an extra hour to be fucked up.
we f'd six times
f'd?
its sunday, i cant say fucked
You cannot ask her to resend the picture of her genital tattoo to you just so you can show your room mate. it is time to end your relationship with the Captain.
Randomize
