I feel like I'm in dance class right now
Sorry I couldn't get my dick out
I kinda knew it wasnt going to pan out when he would rather watch how i met your mother ON TIVO than fuck me......
He had a stripper pole in his bedroom. I didn't know whether to be impressed or creeped out.
You were dancing on the bar and fell off into the arms of the hot bartender. It was like a fairy tale, with more alcohol.
saw a pregnant woman in a bridal gown standing on the side of the road while her car was getting searched by police....cheers to new beginnings
Just got a birthday card from Camel. How am I supposed to stop smoking when they care?
Went home drunk last night and peed on my Christmas tree, my mothers going to fucking kill me
It's okay though. My mom didn't believe that they were mine cuz they were magnums. Having a surprisingly large penis ftw
It's either my own vomit or popcorn butter in my ear right now. Banking on the second one.
We made popcorn last night. So it's both
I never appreciated sexting until I went to rehab
We are making a pool on how long he stays sober this time you want in?
He totally just went there for sex cuz he slept in her roommates bed the rest of the night after they were done...
pure definition of booty call.
I've run into almost every guy I've ever slept with today. It's like they know just how horny I am.
You were just laying there on the air mattress watching spongebob with a knife. We tried to take it from you, but you insisted it was your emergency escape in case you started to float off.
Randomize
