im at a bar with my dad last night and he got hit on more that I did
i love how you can even make your typing come across bitchy
The remote chance that I may get a blowjob is about the only reason I have a shower every day.
I'm sitting by the window waiting for the sun to go down so that I can start drinking.
Just heard the new 'We are the world' ... Can I get my 10 bucks for Haiti back?
he said the way to his heart was through his stomach, i told him if he wanted to eat my food he had to eat my kitty
smooth operator
They're here. One showed up as a slutty Crayola, and I think the other came as The Fat Friend.
Just so you know I would totally fuck you. Does that count as a feeling?
I have minimal recognition and a lot of burns on my tongue and my vagina hurts.
I threw up sweet potatoes. Worst thing to throw up ever. They came back mashed.
Just because I don't want to be her booty call doesn't mean I wanna stop getting tit pics. I'm a sucker for double D's
Imma need a double jack on the rocks and a BJowsky from the hot bartender.
Yes I said BJOWSKY. Pronounced "buh jow skii".
drunkkkkk be here I heart you
I got confused. The music was loud, porn was playing, people were grinding, there were hand jobs.
Is it still sex if there's no nudity, no orgasms, but the neighbors bang on the wall and ask you to stop? I've honestly forgotten.
Randomize