I wish life had little blips of pornography
hey i know this is weird but does alcohol affect pregnancy tests?
You know how I know it's Spring Break? I just passed a car with "South Padre bound" shoe polished on the back. The driver was blatantly drinking a roadie and getting road head.
Just convinced airport security that im sober. All i do is win.
your dad just showed up on the golfcart with a keg. i. love. our. neighborhood.
Was waiting for the adderal to kick in then realized I had been brushing my teeth for eighteen minuites
porn star boner night. come get it.
After your flask fell out of your leg brace and you told your RA that it was juice, you tried to unlock your dorm room but your key was attached to your bra so he ended up seeing your boobs
I just bought 7 working mopeds off a guy for $300. We are 60% of the way to our gay biker gang dream.
I just had a horrible epiphany. I have fucked girls younger than Star Tours
This text was so worth waking up to
Totally had a conversation drunk last night with a bisexual chick at my apartment in Spanglish too.
You're a hero.
I've amended my previous statement: I'm not allowed to put in my two weeks till I ask out the waitress. Now I have motivation on two levels
Listen, I just paid for a hotel room, so I didn't have to have sex in his car. I'm adulting successfully.
She started crying because the Rugrats grew up
Can we throw a "death to my 20s" party when I turn 30?
Sure. Funeral attire and hard liquor
Randomize