Apparently at one point I was wearing my sweatshirt backwards like it was normal and then I threw up into the hood. Never drinking again.
Your mom is more observant then Randy Newman.
if I hooked up with that creppy kkid in bio does that count as doing charity work during the holidays?
These 3 days between Christmas and new years when all the bosses are on vacation are essentially a competition to see who can do the least amount of work
Dude, we totally smoked up inside a church organ last night. Add this to the epic list.
You know you're deprived when the only thing you taste while chewing gum is the 2 grams of sugar alcohol.
Why do my balls have what looks like rust on them?
She told me my parents were awesome for leaving me uncircumcised...
the water pistols in the freezer are full of voddka.
Fuck Sunday funday. Fuck real pants. Fuck the sun. Fuck Jameson. Fuck my life. Yes, I am hungover as shit sitting in my office eating bacon.
Her virginity is one of the last things that remains of our childhood.
think he just told me if I need to shit I should go outside.
Nothing says "Hello, Adulthood!" quite like receiving a dick photo at 11AM from a guy you haven't heard from since fifth grade.
You came out of your room naked under your open robe with a mouth full of brownie on a stick and grabbed a fistful of fruit loops and shoved them into your already full mouth.
You know how I said I hit my head so hard I saw two of him and tried to make out with both? Well, it turns out he has a twin.
Randomize
