Do you remember getting into a Delorean last night?
Is there a zoo near here? I need to see some penguins like right now..
I am not bailing you of of jail
i'm sorry, but my penis isnt the solution to your problems
COME GET ME FR THE HOSPIGAL'!!!!!
Can we skip lunch and do power hour sex time from now on? I'll let you eat nachos off my body if you really need the food.
I was trying to chase her off the carpet, but now there are figure-eights of cat vomit. everywhere
Having vodka and cokes for lunch at work today because absolutely ZERO fucks are being given.
She's licking the whiskey out of the carpet. I think we may be soulmates.
Do you remember when I didn't post that pic of you fucking an avocado on your boss' desk? Can you return the favour?
You told your family you're bi over the phone?!
We were talking about exes and it just came out....and so did I.
I showed up to a job interview wearing two different shoes. If that's not an omen, I don't know what is.
Remember when we made out in a Chik-Fil-A drive thru?
That isn't the worst part. It got a bazillion times more awkward when he read me a poem he wrote about his dead cat.
He ate me out while I finished season 1 of Stranger Things. If that's not a modern day relationship goal, then I don't know what is.
Started mixing booze directly into the 2 liters and carrying them around. Mixing less often, and now kind of weightlifting,so double effecient.
Randomize
