Woke up this morning to a janitor hitting me in the head with his bucket in the hallway of my building. An alumni was next to me because we locked ourselves out of my room and couldn't figure out where my roommates were.
if one more of _____'s family tells me "you're next" i'm going to shoot myself. Thank god for gin (most protestant phrase ever at the most Jewish wedding ever)
Ask for a julep and start talking about how you much prefer the uncircumsized peen. that should probably stop them.
Martha Stewart would most definitely roll a great joint.
just brushed my teeth with a bottle of jack. ew. not all it's hyped up to be.
you handled that situation with as much grace as someone puking involuntarily could
Does it make me a prostitute if I accepted a Life House concert ticket for giving this guy head?
No. It just means your good at giving head.
I'm sorry. We set two Christmas trees on fire. Also the neighbor's yard. Also ours.
She had a baby and now works at Hooters. She is the poster child for peaking in high school.
Experimentation with dessert toppings followed by shower sex. Only logical progression bro.
We need to re-create the Get Some Ass Tour 2002.
Um, 2 out of 3 people involved with that particular event are now married, so I don't think that will be happening.
HELLO, they're MARRIED! They need to get some ass more than anyone.
I CAN'T DO THIS MUCH FABULOUS BEFORE LUNCHTIME
We put your drunk ass to bed. 10 minutes later we heard you scream "DICK-PUNCH!!!" It was immediately followed by a shriek of pain and crying. So to answer your question; no, that's not "sex soreness".
UPDATE: IM NOT A TEEN MOM LETS GO PARTY
So I just saw someone get shoved into a car trunk by your car.
All i want from a relationship is to get drunk watch pirates of the Caribbean and have sex
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