hey everyone... booty call? my house tonight. bring friends to fuck my friends.
Yes, I am watching The Hills Have Thighs. And yes it is a porno remake of The Hills Have Eyes. And, again, yes, lesbian sex in the desert. Get the sand out.
new plan: i think the keg will fit in my purse.
I miss the good ol days when id just come home from school and thered be a costco size box of condoms on my bed.
my parents really loved me back then.
I said to him "i can't have sex with anyone in my friend's living room" then he said "we can move the air mattress into the kitchen"
Fate is real! that hot chick, Megan just showed up dressed as jasmine and I'm dressed as Aladdin this is going to be cake
I have a rage boner right now. An actual erection brought on by the amount of sheer hatred I have towards nationwide.
He left his boxers here. Can I keep them and make a shrine or would that be creepy?
I have a high opinion of you, you smash bitches. Respect.
The toilet wouldn't flush at the club so I literally just shat in the garbage.
Dude I was walking down the street and threw up in a plastic cvs bag. Tequila wins again.
Don't date the locals. They're all tainted.
I wasn't that gone.
Dude, you cried and said how sorry you were when we asked why you had the dip.
i forgot how loud opening a beer is in a house where your not allowed to drink
When you puked on me I said to you "we will just say that you threw some mostacholi at me"
Randomize
